I have some-let's just call them "people in my life"- who are critical of the fact that I am on so many serious pain medications. They have said that I'll become addicted: Yes, I will become dependent. So what? that's typical of long-term use of these drugs. That's what weaning is for, whenever that time comes. I do not take this lightly. I have thought long and hard about how this will affect my body now, and if or when it comes time for us to have another baby. I constantly deal with some very unpleasant side effects that would otherwise make me decide to not even consider taking these meds, if it weren't for the amount of pain I'm in. I am the one who has to choke down 12 to 15 pills a day, which, by the way, don't even get rid of all of my pain. So of course I've thought about it. I've thought about how I would rather live a shorter, happier (than the alternative at least) life, than a long and miserable life. The latter would mean that I wouldn't be able to go pretty much anywhere, do anything around the house, exercise, or play with my son. I have no other options for living a somewhat normal life. So I am not sure what they expect me to do.
I have two options right now: Take zero pills, or as faw as possible and sit around on the couch all day, making Raiden go crazy from never leaving the house and making myself fat. Or I can drug up and take full advantage of the benefits of these wonderful drugs- at least they are wonderful for someone in my position. I choose the latter. I want to live my life. I feel sad for people long ago, who maybe suffered from constant pain but had no way really relieve it. I am also grateful for my wheelchair. Before we got that stupid, bulky thing, I never went anywhere fun with my family. Since then we've been to the Dino. show, the zoo, the mall play area lots of times....tons of places! And we plan on doing Disneyland again! There's no way I'd last 20 minutes at any of those places without my pills or wheelchair.
A lot of the same people who criticize me for my meds have no idea what my daily life is like, and have no clue what I'd be going through without them. Some don't bother to visit me or even ask me how I'm doing. And since they don't, they have no place "showing concern" about something they know nothing about. That is why it upsets me so much. Not only that, this extra drama really causes even more unneeded stress in my life. I'm tired of people passing judgment on something which they know nothing about.
Now, there are many of you who have been extremely supportive of me. In fact, the majority of people in my life are very understanding and non-judgmental. I am so grateful for all of the offers to watch Raiden, and all those who take him regularly. As well as the friendships that have come along the way. It helps me to know I am not alone. Along with physical pain comes emotional issues, which can make me a little crazy when my toddler is going nuts. And it's during those times when I lean on loved ones, and your help is priceless. I am glad I am able to use this blog to get things off my chest, as I'm sure many of you do the same with your blogs. I think I already feel better.
6 comments:
While I don't know you well, I can not imagine being in your shoes. I am right there with you on the medication dilema. I am not a big fan of addiction, but FIRMLY believe that the good Lord allows for these scientific advancements for our benefit! Sure, I'll go the non med route if and when possible, but when push comes to shove, and women in your situation must choose between medication or lying on the couch in agony while the child goes bonkers, I bet I'd choose the same path you have! People who judge without knowing the "whole" situation should seriously consider their shortcomings for judging in the first place! You are admired by more of us than you realize. Hang in there :)!
You're doing the best that you can... and there are many times that I'm truly impressed by what you are doing! So know, that many people support you and don't let the naysayers drown out all the love and support heading your way.
See you in the morning!
Thanks Ladies! I really appreciate your kind words.
Rachel, I think you are amazing and have nothing to apologize about with medication - that is why it's there.
I've been on a lot of pain pills the past month to recover from my C-sec and they made me feel better in every part of my body EXCEPT this one specific point on my lower right side just next to my incision. It was so frustrating to take these pills and not even feel a complete relief from the pain but at the same time it still helped tremendously. So anyway, I can relate and thus think you are amazing and wonderful.
Hang in there. I know I don't live too close to you but I wouldn't mind taking a turn watching Raiden if you ever need me to :)
Thanks Brooke, you are very sweet. :) It sounds like your C-section really gave you a rough time! Is this your first time having one? I am glad you were given meds, though. I'm sure caring for three kids with that kind of pain can not be easy!
Sorry you have to deal with that too. Like you need the added stress of it!! You are a very strong woman and you are doing what you think is best for your family. You are right when you say that only you knows what you are going through. So...you get to decide!!
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