The R and R Show

2011-03-15T14:28:00.001-07:00

I'm Back

2010-11-07T09:55:00.001-08:00

I haven't posted in a really long time, and a lot has happened in my life since my last post. I'm not sure if I am going to update on those happenings or just start at today. They are things that I would rather not revisit, due to their depressing nature. So yeah, I think I'll focus on the here and now.

The reason why I had stopped posting is because I had gotten some flack about my blogging. See, for me blogging is kinda like my therapy. And I am not going to apologize for what I write. The things I write aren't even anything bad. But some people like to start drama where it doesn't exist I guess, so from now on I decided I am not going to worry about what other people think. If I feel like typing up a blog post, I'm going to do it. I am not going to let other people dictate how I live my life. I did that for a long time, and I was just really unhappy. If I don't think of myself as an intelligent capable adult, then I won't be! And I won't be a happy wife and mother for my boys. Which is the most important thing. I am always trying to learn from my mistakes and obviously finding ways to cope with my rib pain, so that I can continuously improve myself and find ways to live a happier, more positive life. And I hope I am worth looking up to so that my son becomes a positive person as well. :)

Problems

2010-08-18T17:42:00.000-07:00

I have a few drama queens in my life. I try to not be one of them by putting my life into levels of importance. So I try to think of things in the following way:

Will this matter in an hour? A day? A week? A month? A year? Many Years?

I continue to answer these questions until, hopefully, I get a, "No." Lately, I have been getting too many, "Yes's," and they continue on until there aren't any questions left. The End.

Hospital, or Jail? (Warning: Rant!)

2010-07-31T11:50:00.000-07:00

Ok, I was recently in pre-admittance at Kino Hospital for 17 hours. I am not embarrassed to talk about why I was there, because it isn't something to embarrassed about, but I really am just tired of talking about WHY I went. The point of this post is that it was the worst 17 hours of my life. Here's why:

I had brought some toiletries with me in case I had to stay overnight (which I did) so I could freshen up the next day. I went in around 7 PM and hadn't brushed my teeth since that morning. Well, I wouldn't get to brush them again until 1 PM the NEXT day (shouldn't hospitals want you to like be clean and stuff??). They took all of my stuff. They wouldn't even let me keep my magazines to read, so I could pass the time. Not that I was in any kind of state to be relaxing and happily reading a magazine, but at least give me SOMETHING, people, COME ON!!

Not only did they take my stuff, I had to change into these awful paper scrubs, and was rockin some matching cloth shoes with black rubber soles that actually felt porous somehow. So every filthy step I took on that filthy hospital floor was felt through those stupid shoes.

Then, after I changed, they wanded me for anything metal. They WANDED me. THEY wanded ME!!! Then they took my valuables, including my medications, did an inventory, and had me sign them off until my discharge. And from that moment on I was not a free person. I was under their rule. I was not allowed to make even a phone call, and most certainly was not allowed visitors. Also, the whole time I had to make sure I was taken care of, b/c I was in the waiting room of the forgotten after that. In a hospital, no less. And if I didn't follow-up and bug them with every question I had, they would forget about me. And if I wanted to even use the restroom, I had to ask so that a nurse could follow me and stand outside the door until I was done.

After changing, I was brought into this barren waiting room that reeked of despair. Ok I'm being dramatic, but it stunk. Bad. And the saddest part was that I was in there so long that I didn't even notice the smell after a while. Also, it was FREEZING in there. The a/c continuously blasted the entire time I was there. Thankfully they had these warmed blankets that I continued to ask for throughout my stay at Camp Illegal Immigrant Free Health Care. By the time I left, I had like six layered on top of me.

*This room had filthy walls painted in the most depressing shade of blue one could ever imagine. And then, as a sorry excuse for an accent, they painted a different color around one of the doors leading out of the room (which was closed, and on it read "NOT AN EXIT"). Seriously, why even bother? There were no windows in this room, and you had a choice of either blindingly bright or pitch black in the room (and I was there at night mostly).

*I mentioned the walls were filthy. Yes. All over, it looked as if various bodily fluids had been splattered, dripped, and smeared on these walls. I could tell because they had either hardly been wiped or not wiped down at all. In fact, I'm pretty sure the wall behind my converted dental chair had three large spots of blood on it.

*This room was probably smaller than my bedroom. It was the forgotten room of the hospital. It was a waiting room of sorts- without the televisions, magazines, or any sort of item to pass the time whatsoever. In it were what looked like two old dental chairs, which had two inclines, slightly back, and so-far-back-you're-almost-on-the-floor. Then there was a lazboy-looking chair, except without the comfort, that didn't recline. Then, much to my horror, where two twin-sized camping sort of sleeping mats against two of the walls, placed right on that nasty floor. Oh, with a sheet on top- which probably hadn't been switched out in days. I don't know how long my sheet had been there. And I saw the people coming through there. Some where homeless and hadn't showered in days. I tried not to touch anything without using a blanket or a towel. I mean seriously, should a hospital be that dirty?!?!?! And if you have to give free health care to illegal immigrants and can't afford a cleaning crew on a regular basis, stop giving the illegals free rides from the border to your hospital!! Literally, that has happened. (yeah, just ask my brother-in-law who used to work there)

*I was the first in the room. Next came a girl who I think was and orphan of sorts, but she was an older teenager. She was very quiet. But I learned all about her (And she learned about me) when the ER Dr's. came to evaluate us. Because they did not do it in privacy. They did it right there in the room. Wow. Just, wow. Anyway, the next girl in the room came in the morning while I was (finally) sleeping. We actually struck up a conversation until I was discharged. It was nice to finally have a person to talk to, who knew what I was going through. It was interesting to hear her story. She is all alone and has only been living in Tucson for 3 or 4 weeks.

Ok, moving on to the bathroom. First, I was forced to go in there and change after Homeless Joe Doe left. And didn't flush. I think he or someone peed on the wall. It smelled like potent, stenchy urine and thank goodness my nausea was gone.... The trash, walls, and basically everything looked grimy and filthy and dripping with dried something. Even after someone cleaned the next morning, only the toilet seat looked taken care of (and the only evidence I had that it had been, uh, swiped at, was that seat was up and there was cleaning fizz in the toilet).

Since I was in the room for so long, I tested out most of the seats in the room. Lazboy chair was too hard. Mat on the floor was too flat. Converted dental chair was surprisingly just right (thank goodness b/c they never moved me). And I won't think about the last time it had been sanitized. It looked OLD. But it became my chair nonetheless. So I sat there for the first like 3 to 4 hours and just cried. I knew that if I could've called Ryan, he would have demanded to get me out of there immediately. He would've been (and IS) livid at the poor standard of care (sure, the Drs. are OK, but so what? I saw them for a total of like 20 minutes). Anyway, I had no way out. I cried because of all the hours I knew lay ahead of me before I'd get to see a doctor. Because it was Sunday night. I cried because I didn't belong there. I cried because THAT was the room they put people in who were seeking help. I sought help and didn't get treated like a human at all. I sought help and was forced to stare at a wall for 17 hours. I'm sure crazier people have tried to bash their heads into those very walls, and for good reason! Even the most calm and sane person would, eventually, go crazy in that room! I'm sure those walls and those stains have lots of stories to tell. I think that every single nurse and doctor should be forced to sleep one night in that room. You know what? I was told that I would be moved to a bed. I never was. And you know what? The dang security guard was more sympathetic to me than the nurses were. His job was to check in on us every like 10 minutes, and he felt so bad for me and my uncontrollable sobbing mess that he was like, "Can I get you anything?" And when I asked for another blanket, he didn't just hand it to me, he unfolded it and laid it over me. That was the most human interaction I received the entire time I was there. And it was from the security guard.

Ok, so to recap: no phone calls, no visitors, not even a magazine allowed, and having to ask to use to restroom...in the hospital. It's pathetic. The people who enter this program go into it because they are sad. And I don't see how being isolated in a disgusting depressing room is conducive to healing. In fact, I've never been more depressed in my life than when I was IN. THAT. ROOM. Someone there needs to change the policies. I don't understand why I couldn't have made a simple phone call, or why I couldn't have stepped out to see my husband. I obviously am not unstable and security was right there.

Maybe it was because they are understaffed. And if money is the problem, then stop using ambulances as buses for illegal immigrants trying to get away from the border. And I'm sure there are other programs you can cut in order to keep a stupid full-time cleaning crew that, uh, DOES A GOOD JOB!!!! That should be a basic priority in a hospital. Anyway, I am seriously tempted to go in there to clean and paint that room for all the poor souls that are forced to spend time in there.

Ward Family

2010-07-31T11:21:00.000-07:00

I am often unable to attend church this year because mornings are very, very difficult for me. But thanks to my sisters in the ward, I still keep in touch with the outside world. I am so grateful for the friendships, words of support and encouragement, help with Raiden and otherwise, and on and on. I am also thankful for the Priesthood. They do things that we women just could not do. Sorry women's lib, but the amount of work that got done in our yard today would not have been able to be done in that short amount of time without the strength of the men who did it! :) It was like we had 12 angels running around cleaning up outside!

My poor husband has just had the weight of the world on his back lately, and I know that getting this done and out of his mind was huge. Some days he plays both of our roles if I'm not doing well, and he worries so much about things that he makes himself sick. So what a great service that was.

We also have great visiting and home teachers. Our home teachers were here today, and we know we can call them anytime we need anything. And my visiting teachers haven't given up on me, even if it takes them 50 phone calls to get ahold of me and make an appointment. :) And I'm always glad when they visit. Because I need it. They are both such sweet ladies and have become friends I can count on.

Obviously, I am grateful to have been introduced to the church for the truth of the Gospel, but I also can't help but be selfish and think where would I be if I didn't have all of these people to lean on right now? I know for sure that I would be far worse off emotionally if I didn't have the Church. I think Rock Bottom is not nearly as low when you can feel the Spirit, know the truth, and have so many people all around you to lean on. And, despite all of the bad news I've been getting lately, at least I can take comfort in knowing that.

P.S. I know that a certain family member will read this and say, "Well what about your family?" So I have to put in this disclaimer that of course my family also really has been there for me during this trial. My brother Nick is amazing. He is only 19, but is already understanding the blessings that come from selfless service. Almost anytime I ask, he comes and helps me. And it makes me so happy to see that Raiden just loves his Uncle Nick so much. Because he reminds me of Nick as a baby in a lot of ways. I was a "little mommy" to Nick when he was a baby. So maybe that's what reminds me of him. Either way, I am grateful to see him so involved, but sad to know he'll be going off to college soon.

Also, my mom and g'ma come over as often as they can, helping clean up around my house and play with Raiden. Rai has so many women in his life! And he loves it! :) Their help, especially with the cleaning that I just never can do, really helps me feel more emotionally in control. So, yeah, my family is there for me as well, and I had to say that so I don't get in trouble. Even though this post was about my Ward family. ;) Ha!

Yes...

2010-07-20T10:58:00.000-07:00

...these are things that go through my head:

Next time you feel like your life sucks, compare it to mine.

My birthday is on Friday, but there is nothing to celebrate. I'm in exactly the same spot I was in when I turned 24. Except fatter. This phantom has ravaged my body.

I am a control freak, and I have no control. After this last medication screwed me up, I still feel sick sometimes and I can hardly walk on the treadmill from being down so long. See, I had worked up my endurance years ago before the pain got bad. And now that it's bad I don't know if I'll ever be able to get it back.

If I had cancer, no one would think twice about me taking pain medication. And don't tell me not to think like that. Not that I wish I had it, but at least there's a diagnosis and treatment for that. At least doctors don't stick their thumbs up their butts when they hear you have the dreaded C-word. They don't treat you like you're possibly crazy and making it all up. They willingly do tests, and sometimes even worry about you. But when they don't know what it is, they don't seem to believe it truly exists.

This isn't just about me. It affects how my whole family lives their lives.

I am so incredibly grateful for all of my friends who take care of Raiden sometimes. It's not like just having some babysitter- he is always in loving hands.

Don't tell me that my rib pain and my arm pain are not connected. The latter became much worse when the former surfaced. Those nerve groups are right next door to each other and obviously interconnected. One is obviously influencing the other. Come on.

If my doctors tell me one more time that TIME (uh, hello, 2.5 years has gone by!) will heal my nerves, I swear I'm going to tackle every single one of them to the ground. My case is obviously more severe than that.

I can just see this turning into 5 years, and then 10, and then me getting old and never finding an answer .

I have the choice of taking very strong pain meds, or none at all. So the choice is to be miserable some of the time, or all the time. I choose to be miserable some of the time.

I am not being negative. I tried to be positive for two years. But if YOU were in pain every day for 2 1/2 years, you would stop putting on the face as well. I haven't started being negative, I've just stopped being fake. In fact, some people are just realizing now how bad it is, and that (the above) is why.

It's not enough for me to TELL my doctors that I'm in pain all day, that it is ruining my life, my family's lives, etc. I had to finally break down in his office. And yet I still think he doesn't truly get it. I am not 86, I'm 26. When I'm being treated alongside the 86-yr-olds, obviously something is wrong.

I get it, I'm supposed to be grateful for the simple things. Like walking or sitting up for long periods of time. (Because right now, even thinking about walking around Disneyland hurts). So then why do I have to put up with this any longer? I've learned what I'm supposed to learn from it. Time to move on.

I hate every healthy person (ok, maybe it's more like jealousy). Even more, I am angry at every person who takes advantage of their health by eating like crap and not exercising, yet they still live without pain. For the vast majority of the 80% of Americans who have back pain, they just need to get off the couch, do some back & core exercises, and stretch. If you don't have strong muscles to support your joints, ligaments, tendons, etc etc, then you're going to pull/tear/strain something. It's only a matter of time. I have been exercising since I was 12, so this did not happen to me due to inactivity. So, dear doctors, don't lump me into that group.

I get angry that this is preventing me from living my life. I try not to think about it, but I really want to give Raiden a sibling. I want lots more kids, but I doubt that will happen. I know I would also have a rotating group of clients that I'd be training in my gym, and I'd love it. I love helping people feel better about themselves, and it would be a great supplement income. Especially with all of my medical bills.

Some days I am willing to put up with the stress that getting out of the house puts on my body. Other days I am not. This is why I don't tend to make plans ahead of time. But people are welcome to come to me (if I am dressed.). Ha.

I don't ever want to hear, "This too, shall pass," because it makes it sound like one day this will become an insignificant blip on the radar of my life. It will never be that way. First of all, I have a hard time believing this will ever go away. I can't even remember what it feels like to not be in pain. But if it does get fixed one day, it will forever affect my life and how I live it. There are sports and activities I'll never do again, my son will never get back these years of seeing his mom like this, my marriage is affected, etc.

I don't want sympathy or advice. Just understanding, and sometimes a person to vent to. Thankfully, Ryan is wonderful at both of those things.

Raiden-isms

2010-07-16T10:17:00.000-07:00

I haven't recorded anything about Raiden in a while. so this post may be kind of long. But it's more for me, so ha! ;)

Here's some funny/favorite things Raiden does, from his point of view:

When I hurt myself, I say, "Ouchie hurt," and make mama kiss it in the exact spot. It can't be anyone but mommy. Once I hurt the inside of my mouth somehow, and when mommy asked where she needed to kiss I said, "Mouf," and then opened my mouth really wide. :)

Get into fetal position facing into the floor, bury my face in the carpet, and yell silly things and giggle. For no reason at all. In a similar fashion, I like to find little nooks and squeeze in, or hide under pillows. Anywhere that feels snug and warm.

Climb up into my highchair and yell, "Foooood!" (But the "d" sounds more like a "t"). And when mama gives me applesauce with a slice of bread, I like to use my spoon to spread the applesauce over the bread and eat it. YUM!

I repeat after mommy or daddy at nap/bed time when they say prayers. Sometimes I add my own part of the prayer. Like when we pray for family, sometimes I add "Mum," or "Uncle Nick" or "Papa," if we haven't said their names yet. And I don't say, "Amen," I pronounce it as, "Ahmen."

Laugh when my mommy tries to discipline me.

When I know dada is coming to pick me up for bed time, I run away from him as fast as I can. Laughing.

Carry "Baby Bear," (who I named myself) wherever I go. He was my "grow with me bear" from my first year. He's my best friend. Mama has to wash him a lot. Just recently, Newborn Bear was added to my collection. He's smaller than Baby Bear.

Do my super phony laugh/giggle for absolutely no reason at all. But Mama makes me laugh all the time. It doesn't take much to get me to giggle.

Sometimes I try to mount one of the dogs like a horse. For some reason they don't like that very much.

Go up to my mommy every so often and kiss her hip or leg. Or if she's sitting, I walk up to her with open arms, climb into her lap, and give her a giant hug. Then go back to playing.

If I know mommy isn't feeling well, I say, "Mama hurt," or get a worried look on my face and turn my head way to the side and get right in her face to figure out what's wrong.

Throw a HUGE tantrum if dada won't let me "drive" his truck. (When dad's outside working he usually opens up all the car doors and lets Rai do this, so when it's time to go inside...yikes!)

Stick my toes under the door when mom's in the bathroom, or in whatever room I'm locked out of. Hee hee!

When mama's ignoring me for too long, I put my face right in hers (if I can) and say "Mama," until she answers. Then I kiss her mouth.

Say, "I poop!"

If someone's annoying me or in the way I say, "Watch out!"

If I want to do something all on my own without anyone watching or standing nearby, I say, "Bye, bye! See ya!"

When it's nap time, I try to stall by saying I'm hungry or want to go down the slide in my playroom. But mommy usually ignores me and puts me and Baby Bear to seep anyway.

Say, "beep, beep," for like 10 minutes straight. Or, "choo choo."

I decided that, "Jimmy or Jamie," was a good nickname for James the train.

LOVE fireworks, and talked about them for almost two weeks after seeing them.

Tell mommy to, "Call Nancee," so we can play with Erica.

When I'm excited I do a little shuffle with my feet and say, "Alright!"

I love my puppies more than anything. They inspired me to say my first word!

Love to count with mommy. I can count to 12 now!

My favorite toy is still Lightning McQueen car that Ga Ga Redford got me for my 1st bday. I hide mommy's keys in the seat.

My new favorite thing to play with is play-doh.

I LOVE my Uncle Nick. He plays with me a lot and I get so hyper and excited when he comes over. He is so nice and fun.

Just like my dad, I hate wearing shoes most of the time. But I do like my light-up McQueen shoes. I stare at my feet as I walk in them.

Dangit

2010-07-07T13:12:00.000-07:00

A month and a half ago I began taking a certain medication. Two weeks into it I got laryngitis, along with a constant headache and nausea, and sometimes vomiting. The laryngitis left, but the latter symptoms continued daily for over a month-I'm still feeling them, just not as frequently. I believe it was this new medication that was causing the symptoms. And prior to this med, I had tried four other meds for the same purpose that did not help me. Finally, this med seemed to help. And of course the one medication that helps me makes me sick. That is just my luck. So I have no choice but to wean off the med.

Another thing that this medication helped with was my energy. The other medications that I take completely suck the life out of me. (Although the alternative-not taking any meds-would be much much worse). I was taking frequent naps until this new med kicked in. I didn't quite notice the change in energy though until I started the weaning process. Because now my eyes want to close every chance they get. I'm not necessarily exhausted, but when I stop moving I start falling asleep. So sitting here to type, or watching TV, etc...makes me tired!! It's really weird because I do not feel tired until I do end up sitting down for a while. It's so annoying! It's hard enough to function with my pain without having to worry about falling asleep every two seconds. I don't even remember it being this bad before, so maybe once the meds leave my system I'll feel more alert. Hopefully. Prayerfully.

So if anyone has been wondering where I've been lately, it's at home. I can not get out in the morning. I give an honest effort, but it's too difficult. Getting myself ready is not something I enjoy doing because it takes so much energy and uses up my meds. But I can't even do that until I can get myself off the couch in the morning. My medication has to kick in before I can do anything. That's why Ryan gets Raiden out of bed and makes him b'fast and all that before leaving for work. And it isn't worth it for me to go anywhere. I can't even walk across the street to take Raiden swimming at Ana's without being miserable by the end. Yes, if I was able to just be alone and float in the pool it wouldn't be an issue. But floating is not involved when I am chasing Raiden. Pain is involved. I did that one time and it was so bad I decided I'm never doing it again.

I do enjoy getting out in my new (new to me) car when I can. Driving is so enjoyable in it! Plus, I have my handicapped pass so I don't have to stress my back as much. The heat makes my pain worse, so the remote start is awesome for cooling down the car a bit before we even get into it. But our mini excursions don't usually happen until late afternoon.

I am having a hard time accepting that this is my way of life now, because I hate being that person who doesn't get around to anything until the day's almost over. But I really don't have a choice right now. So when I do get myself and Raiden out of the house, which isn't more than once a week when a Dr. appt. isn't involved, it doesn't happen until 2-3 in the afternoon. Sometimes it's less often than that when I have had someone else take Raiden out for me. Because then I feel less pressure to go somewhere. And that's when Ryan comes home and says he's getting me out of the house- he makes sure I'm not cooped up for too long. Then I have to find myself something to wear, which is difficult to do these days, so I can have a date with my husband. Which I end up being grateful for once I'm out, even though at first I would have preferred to stay home.

And all of what I wrote above is another reason why no one sees me anymore. I'm totally Debbie Downer lately. I never want to be that person. But I am also tired of putting on pretend smiles. Because I've learned that I have to practically be sobbing in order for my doctors to truly believe that I'm pain at all.

I get comments that it doesn't really seem like anything is wrong with me because I act so normal...i.e. how could I be in all that much pain? Because, you know, someone in pain should be like screaming and stuff. When you deal with it day in and day out, you learn to function. (If you didn't learn to function, things would be pretty darn bad!!) Think of it like this: When you are in labor, you are in excruciating pain as it progresses. And maybe you are given SOME pain meds, but not an epidural. You cry and have trouble dealing with it. But it's kind of a one-time thing (or maybe two or three...ha.), so you aren't really used to dealing with that pain. But now imagine being in labor every day. Maybe not all day...maybe the pain fluctuates, but it is every day. And you never get a "fix" for the pain (which in the case of labor is the baby coming out! ha). Your pain meds help control it a little, but you still feel it. Now, since it isn't a one time thing anymore you must learn to function with it. Because you have a family and a life to deal with. And to a certain extent it becomes your body's new normal. So you don't scream and cry any more or moan or whatever it is that you do in labor. You just rest when you can or when it's really bad, and the rest of the time you just function with it. You talk to people like normal, you go grocery shopping, you go out with your husband, you cook, you clean (rarely), you sleep (sometimes). You even smile.

Not that I'm comparing my pain to labor, but I thought that is one thing that hurts really bad that most women I know have gone through and can relate to. :) Unless you've had an epidural before that bad stuff began. Ha!

Ok I am not sure if any of this made sense, and I am not really feeling like doing any editing right now, so thanks for putting up with my stream of consciousness post.

Raiden's 2-Year Appt. (Finally!)

2010-07-03T11:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I finally took Rai in for his 2 year appt. Yes, he turned 2 almost 2 months ago, but we have all been sick so I had to keep rescheduling. Anyway, here's his stats:

Weight: 25 lbs (that's about the 10th percentile)
Height: 35" (50th percentile)

He is perfectly healthy. My Dr. said she is impressed with how well he's caught up for being early, and of course all preemies are said to catch up completely/level out by age 3. He can count to like 14 or 15, and we play this game where we take turns: I say 1, then he says 2, etc. And we do the same with the ABC's, though he isn't as good at that. He is a major chatterbox, and loves to repeat our prayers at bed time, nap time, dinner... sometimes when he's freaking out about something, I tell him it's time to say a prayer and once we do he calms down. The way he says, "Heavenly Father," is so cute!

It is hard to tell if he's just going to be smaller than the avg. Redford, or if it's his preemie status that is keeping him so little. I hope it's the latter. I want to finally have a tall person in my family! Not that there's anything wrong with being short, but it would be a nice change. My mom is 4'11" and my dad is about 5'8", so he probably doesn't stand a chance. Haha. However, the shortest person in Ryan's family is about 5'7", and that's his sister. So who knows.

He still barely fits into most 18 m sizes, and has only outgrown a couple of the brands in that size. So he has all of these 24 m shorts that won't fit him until winter, or later. Oh well! I have gotten used to folding them over and that seems to work for the most part. Ok I'm blabbing, but I haven't blogged about my son in a long time, so I need to keep up with the memories.

So my brother Nick came with me to the appt, and it was his first day back in town after going up to NAU for a month. Raiden was thrilled to have him back, so he was acting very happy and hyper. Which made it sad when he got two shots and screamed his head off. Then later he said, "Mama, I hurt." Which broke my heart even more. My pedi's nurse seems to be so rough with those needles. The one time Raiden didn't scream was when a different nurse gave him a shot. Even today his leg is tender and a little bruised. Poor baby!

When we got home he was already asleep, and I laid him on the couch, thinking he would wake up right away. But he slept there for like another hour. And if you know Raiden, you know that's totally unheard of. I did purposely skip his nap so he'd sleep after the shot, but he never is able to sleep anywhere aside from his bed, and sometimes the car. Anyway, it was a fun day having Nick with us and it helped Rai feel a bit better. I'll post more about Raiden's latest habits, words, fav. pastimes, etc. when I get more time. It's hard to blog now b/c my TV is my computer monitor, and someone is always watching something. Usually Thomas...or the news.

New Specialist - Old Findings Brought to Light

2010-04-18T15:35:00.000-07:00

I met with a Neurologist Friday. I'll call her DrB for short. It turns out that the EMG I had SIX MONTHS AGO had significant findings of muscle damage!! So thanks, PCP, for sitting on that information and doing nothing with it...all the while telling me, "It will get better over time." Oh heyeck no! That was when I asked to see DrB and, obviously had I not, this information would have never come to light.

Basically, I am my own doctor. Months ago, we asked PCP if the Brachial Plexus (BP) could have something to do with my pain. He didn't know what we were talking about and basically dismissed us and one time told me to stop getting advice from friends (though I did my own research online). But then I get to DrB's office and guess which specific nerve group she mentions, and wants to do an EMG and MRI on??? THE BRACHIAL PLEXUS!!! We also asked another doctor about the BP, and he, too, didn't know what it is. And they are all too proud to admit they are wrong, or that they don't know. And you know what's funny? You can easily go online and find tons of websites of the human anatomy, and the BP is clearly highlighted. I am very disgusted with the whole thing. Ha!

::happier voice::But the good news is that I feel like I am finally moving forward again in my treatment instead of sitting at a standstill. These new test results may be the key to me finally getting a diagnosis! And then I will throw a diagnosis party. Ha! So thank goodness Ryan & I followed our instincts.

About My Medication

2010-04-12T10:28:00.001-07:00

I have some-let's just call them "people in my life"- who are critical of the fact that I am on so many serious pain medications. They have said that I'll become addicted: Yes, I will become dependent. So what? that's typical of long-term use of these drugs. That's what weaning is for, whenever that time comes. I do not take this lightly. I have thought long and hard about how this will affect my body now, and if or when it comes time for us to have another baby. I constantly deal with some very unpleasant side effects that would otherwise make me decide to not even consider taking these meds, if it weren't for the amount of pain I'm in. I am the one who has to choke down 12 to 15 pills a day, which, by the way, don't even get rid of all of my pain. So of course I've thought about it. I've thought about how I would rather live a shorter, happier (than the alternative at least) life, than a long and miserable life. The latter would mean that I wouldn't be able to go pretty much anywhere, do anything around the house, exercise, or play with my son. I have no other options for living a somewhat normal life. So I am not sure what they expect me to do.

I have two options right now: Take zero pills, or as faw as possible and sit around on the couch all day, making Raiden go crazy from never leaving the house and making myself fat. Or I can drug up and take full advantage of the benefits of these wonderful drugs- at least they are wonderful for someone in my position. I choose the latter. I want to live my life. I feel sad for people long ago, who maybe suffered from constant pain but had no way really relieve it. I am also grateful for my wheelchair. Before we got that stupid, bulky thing, I never went anywhere fun with my family. Since then we've been to the Dino. show, the zoo, the mall play area lots of times....tons of places! And we plan on doing Disneyland again! There's no way I'd last 20 minutes at any of those places without my pills or wheelchair.

A lot of the same people who criticize me for my meds have no idea what my daily life is like, and have no clue what I'd be going through without them. Some don't bother to visit me or even ask me how I'm doing. And since they don't, they have no place "showing concern" about something they know nothing about. That is why it upsets me so much. Not only that, this extra drama really causes even more unneeded stress in my life. I'm tired of people passing judgment on something which they know nothing about.

Now, there are many of you who have been extremely supportive of me. In fact, the majority of people in my life are very understanding and non-judgmental. I am so grateful for all of the offers to watch Raiden, and all those who take him regularly. As well as the friendships that have come along the way. It helps me to know I am not alone. Along with physical pain comes emotional issues, which can make me a little crazy when my toddler is going nuts. And it's during those times when I lean on loved ones, and your help is priceless. I am glad I am able to use this blog to get things off my chest, as I'm sure many of you do the same with your blogs. I think I already feel better.

Lame Poster

2010-04-11T18:57:00.000-07:00

I have totally been slacking on my family history aka my blogging. It started right when we hooked up the computer to the TV so I can be more comfortable when I use the computer. And it is quite heavenly, though it happens far less often. Maybe that is a good thing, but I do miss blogging. But Raiden wants his "choo choo" shows on so much that I can never get online. He even insists that they play in the background as he does other things. He'll be in the other room and hear the final song on Thomas, and race in will all sorts of anxiety because "choo choo" is over! Ha!

Speaking of trains, that will likely be the theme of his birthday party. I can't believe that he's going to be two in a month! I have to accept that he isn't my baby anymore. And I kinda have. I am not as nostalgic about his newborn days anymore, but for a sad reason: the details are already becoming hazy. Anyway, here's what he's been up to lately:

I'll start with bed time, because I am listening to my boys do their routine right now. Ryan plays the ukulele for Rai while he plays in the tub. Then they get out and together sing "twinkle twinkle," which Rai is becoming extremely good at, seeing as though it's his favorite song. His 2nd fav. is "asha, asha," which means "ashes, ashes," from Ring Around the Rosie, of course. :) Next, they pick out a book to read, between Goodnight Moon and Where the While Things Are. Ryan says he alternates about once a week, which is pretty interesting. He likes to copy the words Ryan reads, or he says, "cooo," (cool) and identifies objects on the page over & over. Then he goes to bed with his teddies and a blanket snuggled up to his face and he's good to go. Usually! ;)

Raiden's language skills are developing extremely fast right now. He learns many new words a day, and likes to repeat some words over & over in order to pronounce them correctly. Aside from speaking actual words, he babbles constantly! I'm sure he's tryig to say things, but it all comes out as extremely fast gibberish. He is always involving himself in conversations, so I just respond and say, "Oh mmhmm, that's so interesting!" Haha.

It is so amazing how much kids learn at this age!! Counting is another of his favorite pastimes. He usually only counts correctly to three before getting bored or impatient, but he has counted all the way to ten before. I think he has to be in the mood to do it, and can't be forced (his independence must come from me. yikes.).

Anyway, I don't want this to be a long and rambling post, so I'll do this in sections. I wanna record his favorite toys and silly things he likes to do. Also, his snuggly side as well as his recent partying down at Matt & Courtney's wedding! Well, it's good to be back. Hopefully for good!

Walking With Dinosaurs

2010-02-20T08:04:00.000-08:00

Last night Ryan and I took Raiden and our nephew, Zach, to see the show Walking With Dinosaurs at the TCC. The show started at 7:30, but we thought that since it was a special event that it was OK to keep Raiden up that late (his bed time is 7). We were a little worried that he would just be cranky the whole time, but Ryan had been showing him the show on You Tube, and he was super into it. They also watch dinosaur shows together. Of course we weren't at all worried about our nephew because he is much older and was really excited to come.

As soon as we go there and the first dino robot came out, Raiden was just SCREAMING with delight!! He was so darn adorable the entire time. The first half he was up out of his seat, squealing and clapping and mesmerized. Every so often he would turn around and, making sure that Ryan and I were both watching him, make this "o" with his mouth, and suck in his lips under his teeth. I guess that was a, "wooooow cool," face (one of his usual phrases). It was the cutest thing ever! He got a lot more mellow after the intermission, but he was still super into it. But instead he mostly sat on Ryan's lap and snuggled while he watched.

Our nephew was also really cute too. We got him this green dino-head mask/hat thing. When you put it over your head and talk, the bottom of the dino mouth moves too, so it looks really cool. He wore that during the first half, took it off for the intermission, and as soon as the lights went down again, he put it right back on. It was really cute. He was so fun to have along, and I am really glad that Justin and Becky made the long drive to let us take him! He was telling me everything he knew about dinosaurs, and then I asked him if he learned anything new and he said yes. When I told him he should bring his mask to school and tell his class about everything he learned, I could tell he got really excited thinking about it. He, too, was mesmerized by the show.

The show itself was OK- it was basically a timeline of all the different dinosaurs, and they would come out on the floor as the narrator guy talked about them. So it wasn't always as fast-paced as it should be for little kids, but the enormous dinosaurs by far made up for any slow parts there were. The coolest part by far were the dino robots. A few of them were just guys running around inside the raptors (even those looked awesome), but all the big ones were robots. The roars of the dinos put stars in the eyes of all the little boys. They were awe-struck- it was their wildest dream come true! And of course they saved the T-Rex for last. It definitely was as cool as the kids imagined it would be. Especially when the mother T-Rex let out the loudest roar of the night- protecting her baby from predators.

All in all, it was an amazing night. Even though I put a lump on my head when I hit it on the corner of my vanity, smashed my fingers with the car door as we were leaving (my ring finger is all bruised and a bit swollen), and then cut my thumb on my wheelchair during the show and didn't realize it until I saw a bunch of blood. Ha! Whoever said that bad things come in threes was right. Not to mention I had been sick. But despite all of that, we had a blast. Of course, my favorite part was watching Raiden. He was MY show! And Zach, too. I loved how he sat motionless most of the time, and nothing could peel his eyes away from the stage. They were both so adorable, and they were what made it so fun.

We couldn't believe how much Raiden was into the show. We knew he would like the big dinos, but we weren't prepared for how excited he would get. And luckily, the people in front of us had a blast with Raiden too, even though he was screaming. They actually thought it was really cute! The two little pre-teen boys sitting in front of him played with him during intermission. And their mom (or grandma? she looked young) clapped right along with him during the show. She thought he was the cutest thing. We couldn't have sat near a better group of people. They were really good sports about him standing up and such. And since I was in my wheelchair, we were at the very top of the stairs, level with all of the concessions, etc. So it made it super easy to get in and out. And, hooray, my ticket was $20 cheaper! I am so grateful for my chair. I was actually comfortable!

Anyway, I am done blabbing. I am just so glad we went. It was worth the money, and I would even take Rai again. But it was definitely a boy thing mostly. We wanted Erica to come, too, but I don't think she would have been into it, now that I've seen the show. She may have liked it OK, but girls would be more into the Disney Princess show. That would be a fun one to see a girl's reaction to. I guess the moral of the story is: you have one more night (two if you aren't Mormon, haha!) to get your little boy in to see this show! Ha.

Fondant + Love = Bridal Shower Cupcakes!

2010-02-17T11:35:00.000-08:00

Above are the flags I had made from an etsy seller. They came out adorable!!

I liked this design the best. But that was wayyy more time-consuming, so I stuck with the hearts. :)

This past Saturday, a friend of mine had her bridal shower. I had been asked months ago to make the cupcakes (the bride LOVES cupcakes, and also loves the color pink). I said yes, and later worried how my back would fare. Although I was still excited that I would have a reason to use my decorating skills again. I only do dessert decorating every so often because it is so time-consuming for me and it involves a lot of strain on my back and neck. But it is a love of mine.

I love love love seeing my finished product, and am proud of the work that I did. I looking at something completed, and having the feeling that I followed something through to completion. Is that weird? I also love seeing the look on people's faces when they see my cakes. This was the first time I did cupcakes (way easier than cake!), and the first time I did this for someone other than family. And the second time I have worked with fondant.

If I get enough requests, I will post a how-to, complete with step-by-step photos. But I am going to see if enough people are interested first. It truly is not difficult, just very time-consuming.

A Material Girl

2010-02-14T07:38:00.001-08:00

Ok, so these things aren't really necessities in my life, but I do have a list of things that I would like to have. Some would make my life easier, others would save me money in the long-run by having them, and the rest are plain-old selfish wants. And I am sure I am leaving things out. Ha!

A sewing machine:

I want to at least learn how to hem pants. It is really difficult for me to find a nice pair of pants that fits my body type. When I do get lucky and find something, they are usually way too long. I can't count how many pairs of pants I've paid to have hemmed, or how much money I've spent. Usually they come out looking good, but once the job was done so badly that I truly thought a blind person did it. I wanted to report that company I was so angry. And this is why I want to just do it myself. I don't have to drop them off anywhere, or wait three weeks. I can't do it and wear them that night. I would also like to sew simple blankets, tote bags, and skirts, among other things. I actually learn better when I teach myself, so I would just end up going to online tutorials. I used a book when I taught myself how to crochet while on bed rest, and was very successful (though I haven't done it since!).

And ipod touch:

I don't want an iphone, but I do want the apps. Troy Tegeder has two apps that are really cool (their blog is linked in my sidebar if you want to find out more). One is perfect for keeping little kids entertained in places like doctor's offices, and even church! It has balloons all over the screen, and all you do is tap the screen and they grow bigger. I don't exactly everything it does, but it is really colorful and super easy for a kid to figure out. Well, all they do is touch the screen, which is what they want to do anyway! If you have this device (and a kid ;)), it is well worth it to get this app. I think he will go far designing game apps with this basic concept.

A Lifestyle and Weight Management Consultant Certification:

If I pass the test, not only will I have another certification to complement my Personal Training cert., but I will also receive my full 2.0 continuing education credits (good towards another cert.) that are required in order to keep my PT cert. current. It is a win-win, because with this I will be able to coach and educate my clients on a complete spectrum, not just on the fitness side of things. I am so excited- I just need to save up enough money to pay for the book and exam. Another bonus is that, after passing the test, I will be able to actually work RIGHT NOW if I wanted to, as a LWMC because it is as easy as consulting over the phone- if that is what a client wants. So my condition won't prevent me from working.

A professional dog trainer:

My dogs know they are not allowed to pee in the house. Yet if I were to let them out of my sight, that is exactly what they would do. And I am talking, ASAP. As if that's the mission the second they are allowed inside. If I happen to find that they did the deed, I usually chase one and say, "Did you do that?!" And I can tell which dog did it, because he will slink down really low and go hide really far away from me with his head down. While the other dog will look totally clueless. This is why I know they know it's bad. And it has nothing to do with the fact that they aren't let out enough. So I really have no idea why they still do this. It makes me sad because I leave them outside more than I would if they were well-trained. So this is why I need a professional to help me out and help me to have one less thing to stress over in my life.

Surgery on my pinched nerve:

I believe that this may be to key to my relief. I know that this nerve is the cause of most, if not all, of my pain. Nothing else has worked, and I have tried so. many. things. I am DONE. I want my life back. I want to work as a trainer. I want to take my son to the park and not worry about how long I will last. I want to GO PLACES! I am definitely a homebody at heart, but this is ridiculous even for me. However, we have created our home in such a way that we actually want to hang out here. Since I am stuck here a lot. But poor Raiden goes stir crazy and he needs to get out more often. I want to take him to the park, but most days I can't. Ok I am blabbing. The point is I want to be fixed so I can take care of my family, and so that my poor husband isn't carrying so much of burden on his shoulders. I feel so sad that he has to take on so much. And we have so many medical bills it's ridiculous. So, there you have it.

Worst Day Ever.

2010-02-08T09:46:00.000-08:00

This morning the toiled overflowed like crazy for no reason. It basically regurgitated the last flush. I noticed it when I went into the bathroom and, since the water was low, I just flushed it again. It must have been clogged pretty deep with something, because it had been making funny noises for a few days, and today was the day it wouldn't plunge. I plunged and plunged and plunged and cried and plunged and screamed and plunged and cried. But the water kept coming and the plunger wasn't working. The water spilled all over the floor of the toilet room and continued into my bathroom, along the walls and did not stop until it ran onto the carpet. I wanted to throw up, but I knew I was the only one here to clean up the mess.

So I got the shop vac (I thanked God for that thing quite a few times as I was crying and whimpering), cleaning supplies, locked Raiden out and stripped down so I could gt started. I was forced to get on my hands and knees because this wasn't just some regular cleaning (those of you who know me, know this is bad). I wanted to make sure every particle in every corner was cleaned. I went over the floor once and then did it again, and again. It took me almost two hours to clean up everything that had been contaminated. And I still haven't gotten everything because the toilet is out of order, so I just cleaned it as best as I could. And the shop vac still needs to be cleaned out, which I will so graciously allow my husband to do when he gets home. It was a very traumatic experience for me, and I never wish to relive it again.

Meanwhile, my son was left to roam free while I took care of the toilet. The first thing he decided to do was play in his poopy diaper that I hadn't tossed out yet. And Raiden has never tried to do this before (fortunately I found him before he touched anything). So poo was the theme of the day. Next he decided that he wanted to watch his favorite movie Cars, which we watch at least once a day. When I finished everything up, I found it shoved halfway into the XBOX disc player. Fortunately, the player doesn't seem to be damaged, but I am pretty sure the disc is ruined. I tried playing the movie and the player was having a hard time reading it. I am going to work on it and inspect it further. If that movie is ruined, my life will be ruined.

I just remembered that Raiden also got into my FULL jar of cinnamon, which I use all the time for bread-baking, oatmeal and such. He was covered in it when I found him, and I can still smell it when he's around me.

It is almost noon and I have this errand that I have been needing to run for weeks. I was finally going to go today since my grandma is in town. She was going to come with me and help with Raiden. Now it doesn't look like I'll have time to go, since it takes a long time and it takes me so long to get anything done, anyway.

I truly feel like I have done something to deserve this. Things just keep piling up. Why????

Happy New Year

2009-12-31T11:16:00.000-08:00

The famous Seinfeld restaurant. Yep, we ate there!

Sitting across from the Statue of Liberty.

Some beggar in Times Square waiting for the ball to drop. ;)

The streets were already at capacity by 4 PM.
Walking through the city that night was insane!

And the temple pic I didn't put in the last post.

Two years ago today, Ryan and I were on our belated honeymoon in Times Square. We were staying at the Marriott, right in the center of all the action. People began filling the streets at about 1:30 PM that day, all for the sake of watching the ball drop at midnight! We heard that they were going to close off the streets at 4 PM (no one allowed past the yellow tape after that time. and if you wanted out, you weren't allowed back in). So we hurried off to get lunch so we could find a decent spot in the crowd.

My back had already begun bothering me from all the walking we had done that week (maybe that's what sparked my pain??), so we wanted to find a large enough space to the side where I could sit down. Once we found that, I found a newspaper to sit on, as the streets were filthy. I lasted a total of 45 minutes. I mean, how on earth was a pregnant women expected to hold in her pee for 8 hours?! At least I was able to say that I stood in Times Square on New Year's Eve, and that was enough for me! We went to our hotel room and listened to the action from there while watching it on TV. Our whole trip to Manhattan was a blast, and it was exactly how I imagined it. We even got to see a Broadway show! I can not wait to go back. Maybe on our first big anniversary. Anyway, I tell this story because that's probably the best New Year's Story I have. And wasn't it interesting? Ha.

Another Anniversary

2009-12-29T08:29:00.000-08:00

Two years ago today, Ryan and I were sealed for time and eternity in the Salt Lake Temple. I was 4 months pregnant, freezing, and looking terrible, so we really don't have many pictures from that. It wasn't a big thing- just Ryan's parents, brother, sister, and bro-in-law. But it was still perfect.

It was fun to see the white dots (brides) splattered all over the temple grounds. Being a Saturday, there were very many. I have always loved admiring different wedding dresses, and I have never seen so many PRETTY modest wedding gowns in my life! When I was getting married, I couldn't for the life of me find a modest wedding gown that didn't look like a bad design from the 1980s. If only I had known to look in SLC! :)

The strangest thing that I witnessed that day was how obsessive and possessive the mothers of the brides were! They were more "momzillas" than the bridezillas! They really marked their territory! And since I was by myself, without the entourage and the fancy dress to differentiate myself as a bride, I really had to carve out space for myself in the brides' room.

I sure was glad to be having a small and quiet sealing ceremony, without all the stress of my wedding day. It allowed me to focus on the meaning of it all, and how special it was to be in the temple that day. It wasn't about the dress, the flowers, the hair, the status of the size of the ceremony or who was there. It was just about Ryan and me (and baby Raiden in my belly!) being sealed, so that we may be together not just until death do us part but, beyond death and through eternity. We were able to relax in the Celestial Room before our sealing, and I didn't have a big poofy dress to worry about (just a big poofy belly). We were fortunate enough to be there early, so we had a lot of time to sit together in the Celestial room and contemplate- as well as admire its beauty. It was a wonderful day that I will never forget! Even without all the pomp and circumstance our sealing day was, in many ways, much more magical than our wedding day.

Mom and Dad's Farewell

2009-12-28T09:36:00.000-08:00

Ryan's parents will soon be off to their mission in San Diego! I am sad to say that I missed their farewell talks yesterday. I caught what Ryan had last week, so I was home on the couch. But I just wanted to say how much we will miss them! And I have no idea how Raiden will have anything to wear now that my mother-in-law won't be bringing us her yard sale finds each month (I can't remember the last time I had to go out and buy him clothes)! hehe.

I know Raiden will miss his grandparents a ton, especially grandma. He loves her, and every time he sees her he squeals with delight, and runs to her as fast as he can. It's so cute. Raiden is very fortunate to have such loving grandparents. I know we will probably be able to go out and visit them - luckily it is only a short trip - but 18 months still seems like such a long time! I am still getting used to this whole mission thing. :) Hopefully Ryan's job will call him out to San Diego again so we can tag along.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I am grateful to have married into such a warm and loving family. Ryan's parents have been nothing but sweet to me from the day I met them and, of course, they raised Ryan to be a wonderful person, so I am grateful to them for that. It is definitely fun being a part of the Redford clan!

Happy 3rd Anniversary

2009-12-26T09:49:00.001-08:00

Just wanted to do a quick anniversary post. I am so blessed to be married to Ryan. He is my perfect husband. And with all of the health problems we've been dealing with the past two years, he has really shown his love for me. Sometimes my back problems are harder on him than they are on me. He is carrying a huge burden of sometimes doing the job of two people, as well as trying to provide for our family. Anyway, I don't want to get too depressing.

We had a wonderful Christmas. We finally got a new bed after talking about it for three years. No headboard or anything. I don't care about that anyway. I just wanted to not have a mattress that sank in the middle! Also, I now have a vanity where I can sit down and get ready. Something else that was also very needed so I don't have to kill my back sitting sideways on the countertop anymore!

My stocking stuffer was the new version of the Eat-Clean Diet Book, which I highly encourage everyone to get. I was dying for it and I am so happy that he got it for me. It is not a diet. It is a lifestyle change. And it is very straightforward and NORMAL! No crazy eating habits. Get it, and I promise you won't be sorry!!

Wait, how did this post turn into an advertisement? Well, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Wheelchair Woman Exposed

2009-12-07T07:58:00.000-08:00

I guess I shouldn't have made it such a surprise for everyone. I tried to hide in the back, but it didn't work! I did not prepare myself for all of the people who came up to me on Sunday asking questions about my chair. I also wasn't expecting Bishop to point me out to the whole ward! Ha!

I am not one who feels comfortable with attention focused on me, especially when it comes to my back. I feel like I have told the same story over and over again, and it makes me feel like an idiot. And I don't want people feeling sorry for me. Because I do not feel sorry for myself (but I am working on the anger). And who wants to be pitied? Bleh. There's mostly nothing I can do about it, so why feel sorry for myself? The last thing I want to be is a downer! I wish I could say that I am not angry, though. But many times I am. However, the only thing I can really be angry at is my own body, and not being able to control it. I think this is why I refuse to give up exercise. It is the one thing I can control to an extent-even though there are many things I can not do. I also try to keep my stress and anxiety down by taking my life one day at a time. Otherwise I get really overwhelmed by all of the appointments and co-pays that waste my time and money. I could be doing so many other things and taking my son to so many places if it wasn't for all of this crap. And I feel as though I have been robbed of my youth.

Anyway, it does make me feel better if those in my life can understand what I am going through and how serious is truly is. I hate using the words back pain or chronic pain because it makes my pain sound so common and like oh-no-big-deal-it's-what-80-percent-of-Americans-suffer-from pain. But I have no diagnosis, so that's all I can call it. It is most definitely NOT common. That's where the anger comes in. I over think it, and think no one gets it, and then it makes me more angry. I get angry when I feel like I'm on my own island and that even my medical "team" doesn't get it. I get angry when I spend hours going to and from the doctor, and then I am too tired, etc. to do anything else. And then there goes my day. And my money. I get angry about how many pills I take a day. I get angry when I can't sleep. I get angry whe nI wake up in pain and am worthless until I take my pills. I guess all this makes me sound like an angry person, but that's only half the time. ;) There are many things for me to be grateful for, and I recognize those things as well. In fact, since all of this started I have found more things to be grateful for. Sometimes you don't appreciate certain things until something like this happens. And I'll talk about those another time. :) Fortunately, my husband gets it better than anyone. But I think that's because he is now dealing with his own version of my pain. I don't know what I would do without him!

It's funny how, on the inside, I have been feeling ALL ALONG as handicapped as I may now look on the outside when sitting in a wheelchair. Because obviously someone sitting in a wheelchair has something wrong, right? But someone who's just walking around- doesn't have a cast, isn't bleeding, and isn't missing a limb- well, they just can't have anything wrong, can they? And yet the irony is that when you can't see anything wrong it's often much worse than your typical broken bone. It is what (ugh) CHRONIC pain looks like. It looks like me.

Oh, and one other thing. Just because someone else seems to be suffering more than you does not mean that your issues aren't valid. If you are upset about something, you have every right to feel emotions. Find a constructive way to express them. For me it is blogging, and it makes me feel better. I have always enjoyed writing, because I can expressing my feelings in writing much better than I can out loud. So don't let anyone tell you that your problems don't matter! Stop being so hard on yourself! If it matters to you, it matters to God, and it should matter to those who love you. Just because some child is starving in Africa DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOUR TRIALS AND FEELINGS AREN'T VALID. If that was true, God would not be listening to even the littlest prayers. It is true that sometimes we need to hear those sad stories to help put our own problems in perspective (to know it could be worse), but it doesn't mean you have to beat yourself up and be a stoic. Everything isn't always peachy. I am not saying you shouldn't count your blessings. Do that. But just know that God listens to all of our problems, no matter how small. It's all relative.

Holding Back; A Confession

2009-11-24T07:57:00.000-08:00

I recently noticed that I hold back from doing a lot of things now. It's not that I consciously do it. I must subconsciously think about how I would handle a situation and turn it down. I can't really think of many examples, except for going to the gym. The drive, then getting Raiden into kids club, then doing the exercise, then driving again and getting Raiden down for a nap at the end. For most people this would not cause much of a fuss, but exercising itself is an effort (but one which I refuse to give up), and then when you tack on an hour total of driving (which is not pleasant for my neck or back, and I use some creative positioning of cushions/blankets/clothing to make it pleasant) it just puts me over the top. Too much effort for me. And effort = pain, pain = energy, energy = exhausted. Therefore, I haven't been to the gym in months. However, I exercise daily at home once the pills kick in.

I also have been avoiding cooking daily/nearly daily lately. I didn't realize why, until my physical therapist explained to me that stationary standing is harder on the back than constant movement/walking. So that would explain why I have a harder time getting things done around the house (because really, most chores don't require you walking around constantly). But I am more able to, say, take Raiden for a little walk down the neighborhood. Isn't that strange? Anyway, I LOVE to cook. And I really love to bake, especially for others. I like seeing the look on a person's face when they receive a fun treat (even though I like healthy food, we all deserve a treat every so often!!). So not being able to do what I love is kind of depressing.

I am also very picky about how food in my house is made. I avoid processed foods. I also use whole wheat flour in just about everything (maybe I'm a snob). So even though someone else might see it as me making things harder on myself by choosing to do things this way (the "long" way), it is something I am passionate about. It's funny, but cutting vegetables has a calming effect on me, as does cooking in general. And I love the feeling of making something from scratch. SO. Now that I understand why I have been avoiding what I love, I am now finding ways to make it easier on myself. I now have a low table in the kitchen now and a rolling desk chair. I am able to sit while I am waiting for things to cook, and while I measure, mix and maybe even chop (haven't tried it yet). The chair doesn't really recline back much, but you can't really do much while you're leaning back anyway. So maybe now I won't hold back from that anymore.

I also hold back from going anywhere in general. When I am doing something at home, I know that I can take a break most of the time. But, say if I went to a party somewhere else, I wouldn't really have that. It's like having to pee all the time. When I was pregnant, I would ALWAYS find out beforehand where the bathrooms were at wherever I was going - I would plan my trips around bathrooms! haha. Now I plan my outings around, well, having an out. Or at least having my pills on hand...

This summer I was the Matron of Honor at my aunt's wedding in San Diego. It was at a beautiful resort, but you know how resorts are pretty spread out? And you know how weddings require lots of picture-taking, for the bridal party? Well, I had been standing for a good part of the day, and then standing during the ceremony, and then had to stand for pictures. And of course I was wearing heels. Luckily, there was a dude with a golf cart who was paid by a mystery person to wait for us to drive us either between photo locations or to the reception area. But for some reason this bugged the photographer and he said that everyone can walk and that we were fine. I was like, uh, sorry buddy but speak for yourself! haha. Sorry Tina, but I could not understand why the photog had such a beef with golf cart dude, and I wanted to kick him! So I personally told golf cart dude to stay. And luckily he did because by the time we were done I was literally near fainting. It was like the pain was so bad that it made me physically ill.

So, like I said before, I looked for an out. I had Ryan scope out places for me to lay down. Luckily, in the entry way to all the reception rooms there were nice, cushiony, fancy chairs. So I plopped my butt down, took some pills, and chilled. It helped tremendously- and the best part was that no one was in there to see me sprawled out except for my husband and son. And then, since I was so drugged up, I wasn't nervous at all to give my toast, and I rocked it! (At least the pills told me I did). haha. I felt bad that I wasn't a better MOH that afternoon. I kind of left my aunt in a lurch to take care of her own train, etc, for the rest of her pictures. But I did end up enjoying the rest of the reception and even danced with my husband! For those who don't know, he's an AMAZING dancer, and we love to swing dance together. People are still talking about our awesome first dance at our own wedding (during which my grandpa yelled out, "Dancing With the Stars!"). haha. Anywho....

So with all of this holding back and inability to do normal, everyday things, I have been in a major funk. I very easily can zone out and accomplish absolutely nothing on most days. I guess I don't want to hurt, so I just don't do anything. I mean I definitely could, but my brain is so fuzzy that I feel practically glued to my chair. And so when you are in a funk, there's like this fog over your head and you really can't focus on anything. It's like your brain doesn't work and you lack any and all motivation to do things. And then for some reason when I take my second dose of pills, around noon, I am WIPED OUT. It only started recently so I don't understand it. I have been on the same meds for a while now. I have had to take naps lately because I literally can't keep my eyes open. Usually Raiden's asleep, but I hate using that time to nap myself. Once he was awake, and he just hung out near me and played. So he's OK and it really isn't a big deal to him. In fact as I type I am feeling my eyes droop.

So that's all of my confession for now. I just needed to get that out. I don't ever cry about this and I don't really feel sorry for myself (I honestly don't have time to). But do have anger about it at times. And I think writing about it and getting it off my chest might help. I hope it does, because oftentimes I don't recognize when I am angry or upset, but then one of those crazy mood swings will remind me. Those lovely mood swings.

But my attitude about it is that it's something that I really can't change. So I just need to live differently. I need to just find ways to make my life simpler and reduce stress wherever I can. Staying very organized is one way. Keeping things on the bottom shelf is another. Sitting down in the kitchen...etc. Honestly, given my situation I feel that I am extremely fortunate. I am able to get the health care that I need. I am able to take medications that alleviate my pain for a moment. I have a loving and caring husband, and a son that is getting easier to care for as each day passes, which is helpful in so many many ways. And he isn't heavy! He actually lost weight at his last appointment. Not that I am happy about that, but I know that Heavenly Father is looking out for me. I also have an incredible support system in my friends. I could never repay them for the countless times that they have taken my son for me to help me keep my sanity, and to help me attend my millions of appointments. I will be forever grateful for that.

My Baby is 18 Months

2009-11-14T08:13:00.000-08:00

Raiden turned 18 months on November 10th, but my head has been up in the clouds and busy with back stuff, so I am just now getting to this post.

From the moment we walked into the doctor's office, he turned on the charm for everyone who would watch. It was so funny to see him acting so silly. He was even silly with the doctor, which made it even hard for me to see him in so much pain when he got his shots. We spoke for quite a while about the H1N1 vaccine, and eventually opted against the shot since we are in the middle of the season already. If he got it, he would have gotten four shots total that day, and he wouldn't even be immune until he got his booster in a month.

Everything was normal, thankfully. He does have an intolerance to dairy- we aren't really calling it an allergy because the problem usually goes away and they are fine as adults (not to mention we haven't done an official blood test). But he does need to drink soy milk, and I keep all dairy out of his diet. She did say that I should try giving him cheese and see how he does. But the other day I gave him a cup of yogurt to see what would happen, and he had diarrhea and gas for a day and a half. So I knew my mommy instincts were right, and that I wasn't just wasting extra money on the soy. Luckily he likes it. Anyway, here are his stats:

Weight: 21 lbs. 14 oz. (5th percentile)
Height: 33.5" (80th percentile)

Head: 48.1 cm (60th percentile)

**Raiden has actually lost a little bit of weight since his last appointment, which I had suspected. I was just about to move him up to size five diapers, and then suddenly the fours started to get a little looser. BUT, he has grown approx. 2" since 15 months, so the doctor isn't concerned. She said with that much of a growth spurt, it's normal that his weight might not catch up as quickly. But if he hasn't gained much by his 2 year appointment, we are going to go ahead and do the blood test for Celiac's Disease. I had suspected it when he was having tummy issues, but so far just the absence of dairy seems to be doing the trick.

As far as development goes, Raiden seems to be right on track. He isn't very good at his shape bucket, though- when he tries to put a shape the wrong hole and it won't go in, he just takes off the lid and throws it in. Ha! He also doesn't have much patience for puzzles.

He LOVES reading. He has his favorite books that he goes and sits down with by himself. He points at the pictures and the words and "reads" to himself. It's the cutest thing ever. Also, whenever there's a teddy bear on a page or one of his flash cards, he will hug the page before moving on. I love it!

He is also starting to enjoy coloring. I often do his flash cards with him, and he's starting to get the concept of what colors are. I think he can identify blue, but he hasn't said any of their names yet. By now he should probably understand a little more than he does, but oh well.

He can walk up the stairs unassisted, and can walk down while holding someone's hand. He is also a major climber- he likes us to hold his hands so he can climb up our legs and sometimes he does a back flip. And since he can open all the doors -inside and out- I keep many of them locked. I have to keep the door to the garage locked now because he likes to sneak out there. Scary!

I am most proud of his language skills I think. I would like to say this is because I talk to him all the time, even in public (it can get embarrassing, but I can't stop!), but I don't think it has anything to do with my Wonder Mom skills. He knows and says a lot of words- pretty much every word for the things we do every day he knows. Not to mention he babbles all day long. He is VERY animated in his babbling, and lately I have noticed that those babbles are starting to sound more like real words. I am just dying to know what is going through his mind. :) Also, he understands most of what I say when I talk to him- like when we are going to feed the dogs, watch a show, go outside, nap, leave, etc. He already knows when to say, "Thank you." But he also says it when he gives other people things. The funniest word he has said is, "skeleton." He had been walking around with a skeleton hand and I said, "Raiden, that's a skeleton, can you say skeleton?" And he said it perfectly. It shocked me so much that I started cracking up, so he started laughing too. Haha! My favorite thing he does now is he points at things and says, "What's that?" Sometimes he says it more like a baby and says, "dat?" But other times he says it perfectly. He does this with other words, too. I wonder why?

Ryan a.k.a. Photographer

2009-11-10T07:33:00.000-08:00

Ryan was lucky enough to borrow his co-worker's really fancy camera one weekend, so he was able to get a lot of nice shots of the family. I just wish he would have let me take some of him with Rai. Oh well, maybe we will get to borrow it again for our Christmas family photos!

This on is my favorite. We call it the turtle lip. I have the same lip. :)

My Son, The Human ATM

2009-11-07T07:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Rai went downstairs, apparently pulled my purse off the counter, then came back upstairs pushing two quarters and a dime around his mouth with his tongue. I heard the clinging and withdrew my money. Ha!

He knew what he was doing because he came right up to show me what he had done, as if proud that he broke into the forbidden treasure that is my wallet.

P.S. Yes, I will put my purse away from the edge from now on.

Silly Boy

2009-11-05T14:07:00.000-08:00

He snuck into my light box.

Then found a bucket just his size.

He isn't angry here, he's in the process of making a funny face by squinting.

Trying to make his voice echo in the flashlight.

Silly faces.

"I'm gonna get you!"

Sweet boy.

Phony laughter.

EMG Results

2009-11-05T08:09:00.000-08:00

I don't want to post twice, so here's the link to my other blog for those who are interested:

EMG Results + Emotional Rant

Back Update Post

2009-11-03T07:55:00.000-08:00

Here's my update, posted on my "pain" blog: Record-Setting Week Of Appointments

Belly-Baby-Body Post

2009-10-29T08:31:00.000-07:00

Check out my latest blog post from my other blog! The post is: Skittles and Reese's and Starburst, Oh My!. Thanks for reading!!

Raiden in the Kitchen

2009-10-25T07:59:00.000-07:00

Gina H was wonderful and watched Raiden for us on Friday while we finished up getting ready for the party. She said he was having fun with her in the kitchen and, when I called, he picked up a stick of butter and used it as a phone. He also enjoyed being made over by all the Henderson girls (already learning to be a ladies' man- his daddy is proud). Anyway, here's a few pics she snapped while I was talking to her on the phone. Thanks, Gina!

Belly.Baby.Body Post - SODA

2009-10-17T09:02:00.000-07:00

I talk about how it relates to the Word of Wisdom, and also provide a couple of links. Check it out! Soda

The Cookie Diet on Good Morning America

2009-10-16T10:15:00.000-07:00

I posted about this on my blog: Belly Baby Body.

He Cried (& Then So Did I)

2009-10-14T08:12:00.001-07:00

I spoke too soon. Raiden cried to day when Ryan left. Also, my arm (for those who know, it's the nerve pain that travels down my arm from my back probs) was killing me this morning. It normally hurts in the AM, but today I just didn't want to deal with it. So we both followed Ryan, crying (me faking, but wanting to cry for real), as he walked out the door. He has two big babies to care for. Of course when Ryan heard me start to copy Raiden, he just laughed. But it was worth a try to get him to stay, right? ;)

He Didn't Cry

2009-10-13T07:58:00.000-07:00

Raiden was sitting on the couch with me this morning when Ryan walked out the door to go to work. Rai looked up and saw this, and simply waved and said, "bye bye," as if it was no big deal! As if this is what he has been doing all along! It was so cute, and also a relief. Maybe that means that his separation anxiety is starting to fade now. I think he's starting to figure out that when dad leaves, he will eventaully come back. Hopefully he will use that same logic when I have to leave him with someone! :) Keep your fingers crossed for us.

Random Raiden Recordings

2009-09-30T08:21:00.000-07:00

Raiden climbed/fell out of his crib for the first time on Sunday. He was sobbing uncontrollably most of the day. I believe it was because he was overtired. I was hoping to let him cry it out, because he needed that. But he never stopped crying and ended up climbing right over the railing. Poor guy.

He has also started hitting. It is more like flailing his arms around, but he ends up hitting me. When he is angry he will grab what is nearest to him, like a sippy cup sitting on the table, and throw it on the ground. If many things are near him, he will knock them all on the ground. I try not to react. I just tell him not to do that with little emotion so he doesn't see that he gets a reaction when does that. Is that the right thing to do?

I am very consistent when I tell him "no." If I tell him not to do something and he keeps doing it, I don't just let it go. I remove him from whatever he's getting into and keep doing it until he stops. Sometimes he is really good and if I say "no" once he will walk away, therefore it makes me think my consistency is working. Other times he completely ignores me and it turns into a tantrum when I take him away. Then I wonder if I am doing things right. Am I?

He loves music. He sings after his favorite songs, and loves hearing me sing to him. He especially loves The Ants Go Marching. Haha. If I sing that during a screaming diaper change, 9 times out of 10 he will get completely silent. He also sits with Ryan or me at the piano and plays it. He loves it, and loves to copy what we do. He actually presses the keys instead of banging on it (until he gets super excited, then he bangs away).

Ryan is a drummer- he was all state jazz band in high school and won statewide awards for his drumming. After high school he taught drum lessons to a few kids. He doesn't have a drum set anymore, but he does have a djembe (African drum) that Raiden likes to bang on. I LOVE the drums and wish I knew how to play. One day I am going to surprise Ryan with a brand new kit. I would love it if Raiden became a drummer like his dad.

Growing up, my family was not musical at all, but I wish I had learned early about music. I did take piano lessons for a while, but I wasn't into it so I quit. But Ryan's family was big into music. Ryan plays a bunch of different instruments and is learning new ones too. Currently we have a: piano, guitar, drum, ukulele, banjo, flute, and tambourine. I would love to be a big nerdy family band one day. Of course I would have to sing because, other than singing, I can not do a darn thing. :) Mostly, I want Raiden to learn about and appreciate music. Anyway, I will stop blabbing and get to the photograph:

Service, Love, and Relief Society

2009-09-27T09:26:00.000-07:00

The Relief Society is the Church's organization for women. Here's a good definition from True to the Faith, "Female Church members ages 18 and older belong to the Relief Society. The Relief Society was founded by the Prophet Joseph Smith on March 17, 1842, in Nauvoo, Illinois. In the days of its founding, it had two main purposes: to provide relief for the poor and needy and to bring people to Christ. The organization continues today, staying true to those original guiding principles as women in the Relief Society meet together on Sunday and in other settings as needed."

I have been thinking a lot lately about how grateful I am for the women in our ward and for visiting teaching. "Throughout the Church the program is set up so that two female members are assigned to families in their congregation that have at least one adult female member. They are asked to visit their families [women] on at least a monthly basis and share a message with them from the Church leaders. Their purpose is to watch out for the family, be friends with them, and help them when needed," (mormonwiki).

I have two visiting teachers, both are wonderful, but one travels a lot and often doesn't come. The sister that comes to visit me is a wonderful example of selfless service. She knows about my back troubles and sometimes calls me just to talk and see how I am doing. Sometimes it helps me to just get things off my chest, and I feel comfortable telling her about my difficulties (though I do worry that I am a downer of a phone buddy). :)

Since my back problems began (and I was on bed rest late in pregnancy) I have had help in various forms every step of the way. These are not people who have nothing better to do all day. They all have their own stresses, children, and jam-packed schedules. I am grateful for this example. I hope I can also find ways in which I am able to help someone. Knowing that you are not alone makes all the difference.

I Am a Mormon

2009-09-27T08:56:00.000-07:00

I don't often do posts related to my religion. I may mention things here and there, but other than that I don't say much. I have many nonmember friends and family, and I think this is why. I know how the Church is perceived by many people outside of it (though every "weird" thing you hear from other sources is false), and I think that I am just afraid to broach the topic because of my audience. However, I think that is precisely why I should talk about it on here.

The Internet is an easy place to talk about things in a non-confrontational manner, and I can't believe I haven't taken advantage of this already. This is a good forum to, "break the ice." so to speak. Since joining the Church, I have become closer to my family in many ways. But I also feel a sort of separation from my nonmember family, because I know the things they have heard about it, and what they think about it. But maybe if I was more open (which I am not very often comfortable being in person), there might not be such a disconnect.

The reason why I bring this up now is because of an article in October's Ensign. For those who don't know, the Ensign is a monthly magazine for church members. Actually, it's for everyone, but I don't think many non-members read it, much less know about it. ;) It shares wonderful messages, and I am always excited for the newest one to arrive in the mail. Anyway, this article was about sharing the gospel online. One woman said that she often wrote about her day-to-day experiences as a church member on her personal blog- like how it affects her life, or events she attends, and things like that. She said without realizing it, her posts helped open up in-person conversations with friends who read her blog. They were happy that she (unintentionally) answered some of their questions. They also asked more questions. It may not have converted anyone, but it gets out accurate information, which is important. There are so many people who truly have made it their mission to destroy the LDS Church, and the Internet is their weapon. (Obviously this is not working.)

I am going to do it in a separate post, but I want to write about things that have been on my mind lately. Things I don't talk about with family members. Things that I should talk about.

Raiden is Funny, Part 2

2009-09-25T07:37:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been blowing my nose a lot. Raiden picks up on and copies everything I do, and this was no exception. The other day he found a Kleenex, put it over his face, and started making blowing noises. Then today as we walked by a towel that was hung up, he nonchalantly grabbed the bottom corner and rubbed it on his nose and then continued walking (for the record, I do not do this!). Ha.

He absolutely loves his new play room. I love it, too. It used to be the loft area upstairs, but his toys quickly began to take over every inch of open space since there were no walls to contain them. Now we use the spare bedroom (thanks to my grandma, who freed up some space by borrowing a bed). He has a little TV on the floor in there, and it is already on channel 6 so he can watch Sesame Street. When his show is on, he sits like two inches away from the screen with his legs crossed (yeah, we need to work on that). Sometimes I will hear him squeal with delight, and other times he is totally silent. He loves Sesame Street, especially Elmo. The image of him sitting right on top of the TV squealing at Elmo always makes me laugh.

But when he is really quiet I begin to worry after a while. I baby proofed that room as much as possible, but you never know what a toddler will get into. So I will run in, and he is usually happily "reading" his books. It is so cute to see him doing this. And funny, too. He usually pretends to read them as he points at the pictures. His favorite books to "read" are, "Goodnight Moon," and, "Where the Wild Things Are," because those are his bed time stories. He sometimes just points to the books and says, "Da-Da," over and over (because Ryan usually puts him to bed).

I don't know if I already posted this, but he likes to talk on his cell phone. It is an old flip phone we don't use anymore. He will walk around casually holding it to his ear, and act as if he is simultaneously doing work. For instance, he will be chatting (I always say it's grandma) away, and walk around moving little toys and such. He must watch me talk and work at the same time. Kids are so funny! You don't ever notice your mannerisms until you catch them copying you. At least he doesn't walk around picking his nose or something....oh wait, he does do that. Well, he sure didn't get that from me!

Oceanside vs. Vail (better late than never)

2009-09-24T09:06:00.000-07:00

We basically moved into the hotel/apartment we stayed at in Oceanside, so I decided to take some pictures and then compare them to life back home. I used to complain about having to clean this big house but, since staying in a tiny apartment with an active baby, I have a new found appreciation for our home.

Raiden has room to run around and plenty of things to keep him busy here. We were only able to bring a small selection of toys to Oceanside (which is representative of the fact that if we lived in a place that small, we wouldn't have room for the amount of toys we have here), but he has a whole room full of them here at home. In Oceanside, we only had a balcony. Here in Vail, we have a backyard with grass. In Oceanside, it was hot and humid and there was no A/C (only fans). At home I have all the modern luxuries, like air conditioning, and it is rarely humid here.

The one thing that will never compare to where we stayed in Oceanside is the view, and the proximity to the beach. Also, I was able to go out walking every morning because the weather was decent and there were plenty of pretty things to look at. I even saw seals and dolphins. I don't really like walking here because there isn't a sidewalk near my house, and it's a boring, ugly walk (unless the sun is setting). If I want to find a good place I have to drive first, and that's too much work.

I used to think that I would not mind living in a tiny place if it was right on the beach, but I take that back. Even with all the perks of living there, I now know that I NEED a bigger place to stay sane. If I didn't have a child, it would likely be different. But I do, and I don't plan on giving him away any time soon. :) Anyway, here's the Vail vs. Oceanside pics:

View from home balcony.

Much prettier view from Oceanside balcony.

Kitchen at home

Kitchen in Oceanside

Ryan playing xbox at home (this is old, but you get the idea).

Some things won't change, no matter where we are: Ryan playing xbox in Oceanside.

Raiden's play room at home.

Raiden's toy box in Oceanside.

There is no place like home. :)

And it starts...

2009-09-22T14:29:00.000-07:00

Raiden used to be great whenever I would leave him with someone. Even if he didn't know the person who was watching him, he was happy to make new friends and would adapt immediately. Then, last week I decided to go back to the gym. I left him in the kids club and didn't think twice. Thirty minutes later my name was called over the intercom, and in the background I heard the distinct screams of my son.

I figured it was a fluke and assumed that they just weren't giving him the kind of attention he usually demanded (there were a lot of kids in there that day). Because it is other kids who are clingy and whiny but, no, not my sweet, sociable, agreeable little son! ;) But alas, he has continued to be clingy. Now that he goes up and down the stairs by himself, he will often go up to his playroom and happily do his thing without me. But if I bring him up there when I need him to play alone, and then leave, he immediately starts to scream and cry and yell.

Many of you may know that there is a rotating list of very sweet women in the ward who watch Raiden for me on Tuesdays (to help with my back). Today it happened to be Aimee Petty. I was hesitant to bring him because first I knew that meant she would be with two toddlers the same age, but mainly I was worried that he might release his wrath upon her. But in my head I still convinced myself that the gym incident was just a one-time thing. However, I did warn her that he could get upset and told her to call me if this happened. An hour later poor Aimee called me and I could hear Raiden in the background. I immediately went to pick him up. I felt so bad that she had to deal with his loud cries. Luckily, her son continued to happily play, from what she told me.

Now I am devastated because I don't think this phase will end overnight. He is about to start nursery at church and I will probably have to call Sister Mower and tell her to stop sign-ups for Tuesday babysitters. And those Tuesdays have been lifesavers to me. I can not express my gratitude to these women for keeping me sane during this difficult time in my life.

Now Raiden MIGHT do OK with people he already knows well, but I am even worried about that. I'm sure grandmas will still be able to babysit, but one works and the other lives clear across town (and is about to leave on a mission)! What if Ryan and I want to go on dates?? There's no way we could just hire someone. At least not until we can reason with him and try to explain that we are NOT abandoning him, which he obviously thinks is happening when he cries like that.

If anyone has any advice on this subject I am all ears. When it comes to nursery, I am going to just let him cry it out because he absolutely MUST get used to being there. And if I continue to take him out he will never get comfortable with being there. But I will not just leave him to cry for hours with someone who is volunteering to watch him- that is a whole different story. So, any ideas?

HELP

2009-09-18T08:34:00.000-07:00

HOW DO I BRUSH MY CHILD'S TEETH WITHOUT IT BEING SUCH A BATTLE?? He is going to end up looking like a hillbilly with rotten teeth if this keeps up.

Independent Fellow

2009-09-16T16:43:00.000-07:00

My son has a new found independence. And it's weird to me. When I am upstairs, he may be down, and vice versa. I can now let him freely go up and down the stairs without worrying too much about him falling. The only time he won't go upstairs alone is if I lock the gate on him. I think it makes him feel abandoned or imprisoned. I guess he's like his mother in that if he feels like he's forced to be up there, he no longer wants to be there. It must be his idea and no one else's. :)

It's kind of sad how fast he is growing- but he is get more and more fun as he grows. Even though he has his demon child moments (you would never guess unless you spied on us at home, or followed us around church), he usually makes up for it with a silly act or cute snuggle.

Looking to get fit?

2009-09-15T08:25:00.000-07:00

I just signed back up with L.A. Fitness. They must need business, because they paid my initiation fee and I also get to bring a guest with me for free for 6 months. It doesn't have to be the same guest. So does anyone want to come? Bonus: I am also a certified personal trainer. So I can help you design a program (for free of course). This would benefit me as well since I need real-life practice doing this for people other than myself. ;) And I can easily design things that you can do even at home with little or no equipment.

Raiden goes to kids club there, so if you have kids you could bring them too. I think you would have to pay a small fee, like $5, or maybe that is also free for my guests. I am not sure. So if you are interested, you know how to contact me!

Don't be shy. I am very easy to talk to about this sort of thing, and I know how hard it is to get healthy and to reach your goals. Plus, I guess you could say that health/nutrition/fitness is my passion. And though I may look a lot better now, I once was stuck in some strange body with 45 pounds of extra weight (I still don't know whose body this is. Certainly isn't the pre-baby me!). ;)

Where do you get your hair cut?

2009-09-14T14:41:00.000-07:00

I thought I would just cut to the chase in my title. Also, if you don't mind, can you tell me how much you spend? I have been going to my "hair guy" for over three years, and he even came out and did my hair on my wedding day. He is very talented, but I find myself continually rescheduling appointments because his prices are much higher now and they will continue to go up. I went to a lady at Ulta who did a nice job once, but she's out by Tucson Mall. For me it would be worth it to switch if, a) it was closer than my current salon and b) if it cost around $30. And of course they have to do a decent job. I am picky about haircuts don't ya know. ;)

Oh Raiden, My Son...

2009-09-14T10:52:00.001-07:00

Oh Raiden, dear Raiden. I love you so. My love for you grows to infinity. It is rare for me to feel angry with you. For your sweet little face- with your round delicious cheeks, perfect pink lips, and expressive hazel eyes- is like a wonderful dream come true.

But when I arrive in your room and find you nude in your crib, no amount of love can save me from what I see next. Smeared all about, as if some sick form of art, is the stuff of your diaper. The stuff that should never touch things such as blankets, teddy bears, hands, feet...

So without a word (actually, after a scream), I whisk you away from this abomination and scrub you from head to toe (and then myself from shoulders to fingertips). I don't know what possessed you, my sweet child, to do such a thing. But I pray that it never happens again.

Raiden is Funny (and 16 months old)

2009-09-11T08:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes Raiden does things that make me realize how much he is like his dad. Speaking of his dad, Ryan got called out to FL yesterday. He went to work thinking it was a normal day, then they told him he was needed. He flew out at noon, and didn't even have time to come home and pack. But I digress...

Raiden has a new dance. It is making fists with his hands, and then spinning his forearms around each other a few times, and then after that bumping his fists together. He did this for the first time the other day when dancing to one of his toy's songs. It was hilarious and I have no idea where he got it. Maybe Elmo?? His other dance is swinging his arms at his sides as he twists from side to side.

Yesterday I was moving his toys out of the living room into the entry room. When he saw me taking them, he started chasing me and yelling! Haha! He thought I was stealing his toys. When he realized that I was merely moving them, he still quietly followed closely behind me to make sure I wasn't doing anything fishy with them.

Thirdly, he has these Brainy Baby flash cards that I read off to him. When we get to his favorite cards (like the ones with teddy bears on them), he takes them from me and hugs them against his cheek. What a weirdo!

And finally, below is a picture of him hanging out inside a cabinet. He also realized if he leaned his head in and spoke away from the opening, it echoed. So he did this, too.

Two Little Miracles

2009-09-09T08:13:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I had a lot of running around to do. For me, at least. Normally I can only handle one errand per day. So that errand was going to be my much needed hair appointment. But I brought my pills because I also needed groceries.

The drive is long to my hair place, and usually by the middle of my appt. I am hurting. But I was able to make it all the way through my appointment (Ryan took Rai during that part), and then all through a grocery trip (which is a normally difficult errand for me) and through most of the evening without one bit of pain! I also had to straighten up our tornado of a house because mutual (the teachers) was at our house last night. I think I had taken my pills that morning, so it's not like I had just taken them before my appointment. And that is a lot of running around for me to do in one day. It is unheard of for me to go that long and do that many things without having to lay down. I was grateful to have that break.

The second miracle happened while I was getting dinner ready. Raiden was messing around with all the appliances and cabinets in the kitchen, as usual, but I wasn't really paying attention. I was standing next to the oven, and I guess he was trying to open the oven door. The next thing I knew, I was walking by the oven and he was flat on his back-- his head had landed squarely on my foot (with the oven door hovering over him). He definitely would have landed head first on the tile floor if my foot hadn't been there as a cushion. I don't believe in coincidences, and I am grateful that my big old Fred Flintstone foot was there to save my baby's head!

Disneyland - First Family Trip

2009-08-31T09:01:00.000-07:00

Since we have to stay an extra week, we had the weekend to hang out as a family. Ryan also got Friday off. So Friday we just hung around and went to the beach. Saturday we decided to hit up Disney. We had planned to go on our last trip out here, but decided it was too much to do in such a short trip. I was also reluctant because of my back. Since we really haven't had to pay for much on this trip, we couldn't turn down the opportunity. And I am so glad we went!

We decided to rent a wheelchair for me, and Raiden rode on my lap. He didn't always like it, but once we were moving he sat obediently. The chair worked out nice because I literally would not have been able to make it walking or standing in line that much. Also, we didn't have to wait very long for any of the rides. But since the chair did not recline (sitting upright is also a problem), I started to have a lot of pain anyway. I had no idea that Disneyland had such a large first aid "clinic." I guess I just never thought about it. But I guess in a place like that it is necessary. Anyway, Ryan thought I should lay down and that was definitely a good move. The health center had 8 or 10 of those greenish vinyl beds, which was perfect. I think I was in there for about an hour, while Ryan took Rai around to a couple of rides. If I had known that they could be so accomodating, I would have wanted to go much sooner!

It was by far my favorite Disney trip ever. It is so fun to watch your own child take everything in. We didn't go on any big kid rides. Except Ryan did go on Splash Mountain. His first time! Our first ride was It's a Small World. Prior to that, he had been acting bratty. But as soon as we got on that boat, he was totally silent. I think that was his fav. ride. He also loved Goofy's Playhouse. He got to run around and go up and down the slide. He also liked banging on the goofy piano. We met Mickey, too. He was really into watching the other kids with him, but when it was his turn he got scared and started to cry. That was the only time he got scared. None of the other dark or "scary" rides bothered him. Thankfully. He also napped for about an hour over my shoulder. We arrived at about 11 AM, and left around 8:30. So we got in a good day. All in all Raiden did great for his first time. I can't wait to go again! I wish I had pictures to post, but they are all on Ryan's phone.

Fun but Tough

2009-08-26T18:06:00.000-07:00

So far Raiden and I have been on walks every morning. We walk to the beach, maybe check out a shop or two on the way, then we go home and Rai takes his nap. In the afternoons we hang out outside for a bit. We also visited a friend who lives out here. Her little girl is Raiden's age and so adorable!! They actually look alike.

Today is the first day that Ryan has to work late. But the last couple of days we have been able to have dinner together and spend extra time with each other. Mostly doing what we would normally do at home. It sure beats me being home alone and not getting time with him at all!! And the view is much nicer, too. :)

And the tough part is.... all the lifting and stair climbing I have to do. I guess I can look at it as part of my workout, but I don't typically put that kind of strain on my back for a workout! This hotel does not have an elevator. It is very old and has a winding staircase in the center. It is pretty, but also daunting. Today I had a few bags of groceries to carry, a big diaper bag, and of course a 21 1/2 pound baby. I had two choices: I could carry Raiden and the diaper bag up, ditch the bag, then go back down with Rai and bring him back up with the rest of the bags (of course I wouldn't leave him alone in the room). My second option was to suck it up and carry everything up in one swoop. I chose option two. And I have had to do this multiple times in the last few days.

The beach also is not the best idea for us anymore, at least not for a few more days. Raiden's skin is so sensitive that I think he even has a reaction to the sunscreen. He usually gets bumps from it, but it was red and gross on the beach. And that irritant combined with sand and salt water did not feel so great to him. He was OK at first, but after a while it was bugging him. And the folds of his arms and legs are still raw. And don't even get me started on having to lug gear by myself! I think I would have the energy for it if I wasn't in so much pain afterward. Luckily I am not huge on the beach, anyway, so I don't feel like I'm missing out. Something about having to clean sand out of all his cracks and crevices, reapplying sunscreen that is more like a painful exfoliant, and continuously chasing him because he insists on walking on the 300 degree part of the sand, is not appealing to me. Now if it was just Ryan and me, well, that would be different.

But really I am so glad we came. And I am proud of myself for driving around town TWO WHOLE TIMES without Ryan so far. haha. I am so scared of the freeways here, but I did it and did not freak out. Before this week, I had not driven alone outside of Arizona. I guess I'm a big girl now! Or did that happen when I became a mom?

Hello San Diego

2009-08-24T11:23:00.000-07:00

We tagged along with Ryan on his business trip. We should be gone 1 week, but it could be 2. He is working at Camp Pendleton and we are staying right on the Oceanside marina. We have a view of all the boats docked right outside. It's a very pretty and quaint little area. We went grocery shopping last night. Our "room" is more like a 1 bedroom apartment so I am able to cook. That is nice because we didn't exactly have another vacation in our budget.

So far Rai and I took a walk to the beach (well, I walked and he strolled), which is about a 20 minute walk. And we looked in the windows of the shops that weren't open yet. Hopefully my back doesn't act up too much so I can keep up these walks every morning. It is so fun! I also have a friend who lives here. We met online when we were both on bed rest, and we met in person during our last trip to SD. She has a daughter Raiden's age. I'll post pictures when we get home.

Victory!

2009-08-21T07:41:00.000-07:00

Last night Ryan put out 4 of the old-school mouse traps. We baited them with apple per the advice of Ryan's mom. By the time we went to bed, we had already heard two snaps. He tossed the mice over the wall and that was that!!

We left the last two traps out just in case, but I think there were only two mice. I want to put out rat poison next week, just in case. It's the perfect time since our dogs will be with my mom. Also Ryan will probably look for any holes and patch them up. Good riddance!!

Mouse Saga, Day 3

2009-08-19T19:30:00.001-07:00

We put the mouse traps in all the rooms where we thought it was snooping around in. Mission was unsuccessful. I thought for sure we would catch that stupid thing! Ryan was going to get the old-school traps today, but I think he was too busy. So we'll put the glue ones out again tonight and pray that they work.

Real Life Tom & Jerry (minus Tom)

2009-08-18T08:23:00.001-07:00

You know how on some episodes of Tom & Jerry, Tom's owner will be yelling for him to catch Jerry and she will be standing on a chair or something? I used to think that was funny. Now that I can empathize with her, I do not find it funny at all. We have another mouse in our house, and this time we did not catch it. And I wouldn't be surprised if there were more where that came from.

Once again, just as I was falling asleep last night, I heard it. Squeaking. After turning on all the lights and looking, we did not find it. So we turned out the lights and I hesitantly tried to go back to bed. Then I got up to fix the a/c. As I opened our bedroom door, I saw it scurry away. It was making a beeline AWAY from our room. Which meant it was probably attempting to come IN our room before I caught it. I screamed for Ryan, and we spend the next hour or so trying to catch it. We smoked it out from under the stove, moved the couches in the entry room, and even tried to trap it in the laundry room. Each time it got away. Finally we were so exhausted (two nights of this!) that we went to bed. I made Ryan seal our bedroom door. Just the thought of a mouse in our room was enough to keep me up. Even though the door was sealed, I still slept like crap.

Oh, and we tried letting our dogs out of bed to hunt it down, and they are utterly and completely useless as hunting dogs. Reilly just sat there and whined because he was confused as to why they were out of bed, and Romney just waited for someone to pet him. Maybe we should have a snake in the house!!

I don't often think, "why me," but in this instance I must admit that I have thought that once or twice. On top of everything else going on, this really is the last thing we need. I have a terrible phobia of all things crawling, so this little infestation is just about the worst icing on the cake. I feel as if my territory has been invaded, and I can't even relax in my own house. I am heading to Ace today to pick up some mouse traps and whatever else they recommend that isn't toxic to dogs or babies. I am so angry with this mouse for disturbing my home and my sleep that I might just kill the little you-know-what myself.

Singing (Before I forget)

2009-08-18T08:20:00.000-07:00

Raiden loves to sing. When I sing a song he likes, he sings when I stop. He also sings after he hears a song on the radio that he likes. He just does it in gibberish. Just wanted to record that before I forgot.

Good Boy, Nice Shiner

2009-08-18T07:58:00.000-07:00

Raiden was a very good boy yesterday. I had to pick up some things I forgot on my last shopping trip, so we were off to the store again (Safeway, because it is not as busy and has my fav. brands). Anyway, he made one lady's day because we were pretty much following each other around the store. After asking Raiden's age, she said her out-of-state granddaughter is the same age. I think she felt a little closer to her distant granddaughter because she was really enthralled with Rai. Then he flirted up a storm with the cashier, and did all sorts of weird and funny things.

Despite having to tell him no and redirect him 52,000 times at home, he was so good for me at the store that I did not even notice. He even learned a new word- "door." So cute! And because he was so good, I felt all the more guilty when he climbed onto his lawn chair and it toppled, bonking his head and eye. His eye was swollen yesterday, and today he has a nice little bruise.

Here ya go, Tina! :)

Oh My Goodness

2009-08-17T16:32:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh this is so cute. There is a mirror resting on our office floor, and I found Raiden looking into it and talking to himself!

Today he also said, "Thank you," and "Who's there?" After being prompted. He has kind of said those phrases before, but they were pretty incoherent. Today you could actually understand him.

It's crazy how fast babies learn at this age.

Just to Clarify

2009-08-17T12:11:00.001-07:00

I am not mad at my husband for forgetting to tell me about the snake. I was a little ticked off at first, but I got over it quickly. Plus, it is kind of funny to think that I stood motionless in the middle of the kitchen for 20 minutes. And that I thought a snake shed its skin on our entry table. And anyway, he was my superhero that night when severed the spine and cracked the skull of the poor, helpless little mouse. ;)

Sisters and Ear Aches and Mice, Oh My!

2009-08-17T07:47:00.000-07:00

That title sums up my weekend. On Saturday, Ryan's sister took me out for lunch and a movie. It was my birthday present. We had lunch at the mall and then went to see Julie & Julia. I never see movies, so you may not want to take my word for it, but I thought the movie was good. It was really fun to talk and spend time without kids. She is such a sweet and caring sister! I wish I remembered to have Ryan take a picture of us.

That same day, my ear started to hurt. As the day went on it got worse and worse. By evening, I was in a lot of pain. We have an ear scope that we use to check out Raiden's ears, so Ryan compared my good ear with my hurting one and said they looked the same. So it was probably swimmers ear. I did a little home treatment that didn't help, so I just took a NyQuil and went to bed. The next morning my ear was better, but I felt a little under the weather. And really tired.

So since I wasn't feeling well I came home after Sacrament, leaving my boys at church. Now before I tell this next part, let me say that I have a sixth sense for rodents, insects, and all creepy crawly things. Whenever there's a spider or anything in the house, I am usually the one to find it. I sometimes even get goosebumps before I even turn to see there's a bug.

That is exactly what happened when I walked into the house after church. I was coming from the kitchen to my room and felt that something was there. I looked to my right and saw, on the entry table, an intact shedded snake skin. I freaked out. I went back into the kitchen and frantically called and texted Ryan. But his phone was on silent. I proceeded to call and text everyone who I thought was home. I stayed in the kitchen for about 15 minutes, which felt like an eternity, until Ryan finally called me back. He was laughing. LAUGHING! There was no snake hiding in the house. He said that my dad, who was over that morning, had handed him the snakeskin. He found it and thought it was neat, and told Ryan he could scare the puppies with it. The puppies?! How about your wife?? He failed to mention this snakeskin to me (communication, please) and nearly caused me to have a heart attack.

But that's not all. Later that evening, we heard scratching coming from our bathroom. I have always suspected that mice somehow were living on the inside of our hollowed out bath tub. I figured there must be some hole from outside where they can get in. Although we have never been able to find any mice, we would periodically hear them. Sometimes they were loud, and it sounded like mice fights. Anyway, on Saturday when Ryan was patching up the hole in the stucco from the tractor, he used the remaining junk to patch up the little holes outside our bathroom. He must have trapped one mouse in there, because Sunday evening we heard a lot of frantic scratching. The easiest way out for it was through the drywall but, upon going to bed, we did not find any holes.

Around 11 PM, I got out of bed and walked into the bathroom. Once again, I sensed something was there. So I turned around and sitting by the tub, staring right at me, was a little mouse about as big as the palm of my hand. It was actually kind of cute. But I started to scream for Ryan anyway. I ran to get the broom while he kept an eye on it. I threw him the broom and then ran and stood on the couch. I wanted nothing to do with it.

Ryan whacked it three times, but it was too fast and ran away. He turned our bedroom upside down looking for it, and finally decided it ran back into the hole. There was no way I was going to be able to sleep, so I made Ryan patch the hole right then and there. He grumbled about it, but did it for his sweet wife anyway. As I crawled back into bed, I was still uneasy. I told Ryan to look wayyy under our lounger, just one more time. Sure enough, there was the mouse. Hiding. So we devised a plan... and it worked! He got the mouse in two whacks. Fortunately, I did not see that part. As luck would have it our door to the backyard was right there. So all he had to do was sweep it out the door. And finally we went to bed. I told Ryan that if I died in my sleep it would be of a heart attack.

A crazy weekend, indeed.

My Climber Can Get Down Too!

2009-08-14T07:34:00.000-07:00

Raiden is climbing all sorts of things lately, but he hasn't been able to get down gracefully. Part of that is my fault, because I'm always there to catch him. A couple of nights ago he climbed up onto a small storage ottoman we have next to the couch. Of course I was there to help him get down, and teach him the right way. But, as he kept doing it over and over, Ryan told me to stand back so Raiden couldn't reach out to me. At first it took him forever, but as he remembered that he was supposed to sit first and then get down, he did it like a champ! Then he was so proud of himself that he did it a million times over.

The next day I tried that same idea with the stairs. And he did it! He was often teetering on the edge of disaster (before remembering to sit with each step). Literally. He would stand on the very edge of a step and be wavering back and forth, smiling. As if daring me to come up and grab him. I was down the stairs a bit to catch him if he fell. And he never did. He still isn't proficient, but I am glad he has it figured out. One less thing for me to stress over. :)

Sneaky

2009-08-13T08:12:00.000-07:00

This morning, as I was eating cereal and watching the news, I noticed Raiden quietly make his way towards the stairs. He very quietly went up the first two steps. Then he turned around and sat and leaned back in a very sly manner. Then he went up one more step and did the same thing. All very quietly. It was hilarious! He was trying to sneak his way up the stairs! Normally he pounds his way up each step. I guess he was hoping if he was quiet and discreet enough I wouldn't notice. Funny kid.

15 Month Appt.

2009-08-12T09:59:00.000-07:00

Weight - 21 lbs 4 oz - 10th precentile
Length - 31.5" (if I recall correctly) - 50th percentile
Head - 50th percentile (can't remember measurement)

Making sure the chair works

15 Months Old - Mommy Post

2009-08-10T07:31:00.001-07:00

Raiden turns 15 months today. We haven't been to the doctor yet, but I want to say a few things about what he's been up to lately.

He is getting more fun every day. I would say he is happy much more often than he is mad nowadays. He has learned to be goofy, too. One thing he does is laugh and turn around in circles when he is happy or showing off. He also opens up both hands and puts them over his mouth or eyes, arches back, and laughs. He is so silly! He gets especially silly when his grandmas are over visiting. I think he realizes how much he loves them, and gets so excited when he sees them. When they come through the door his whole body kind shudders out, he screams, and then runs to them. He sure is fortunate to have so many people who love and care for him!

He has been really clingy with his dad lately, and it kind of bugs me. When I'm around, he's perfectly happy with me. But when Ryan is home, he prefers him. If Ryan is holding him, he won't come to me. If he's hurt, he wants Ryan to hold him. Well little does Raiden know that I am the one who can put him down for his naps just the way he likes it! He is always totally comfortable and has his blankies just the right way. His dad can't do it like I can! So there!

He still talks gibberish all the time. He has an entire conversation with me sometimes. And then he will put his hands out and shrug as if he's asking me something. It is so cute! He especially loves to get in on conversations we have with each other, like at dinner.

He is so fun. He holds my hand when we go places, he is starting to understand when I tell him not to do something (and sometimes he will listen!), and he loves to snuggle. He likes to come and give me periodic hugs and/or kisses while he's playing. He is learning how to properly get down from things, like the couch. Sometimes he will still just go for it, but he's learning. He hasn't quite mastered going down the stairs yet, but we're working on it.

He has a new love. Elmo! So that's Elmo (from vacation), The Wiggles, and sometimes songs from Thomas the train.

He still seems fairly small, but I believe that is a blessing for me. Last month I had to buy him a new outfit after he threw up on himself when we were out, and 12 month was way too big, so I had to go for 6-9 month! We'll see how small he actually is at his next appt. It may be in my imagination.

Become a follower of my newest blog...

2009-08-04T10:39:00.001-07:00

I decided to start a new blog. It's about my dealings with my back problems and such. I think I want to keep all that in one place. It will help me sort things out better and I can have a separate place to vent when I need to. I am also using it to keep track of everything- kind of like a pain log. It may help me deal with it better. Yes, that totals 3 blogs. No, I am not stressed about keeping up. I post when I feel like it. And when I don't, I don't. It's my therapy.

http://whatpainlookslike.blogspot.com/

Learning to Draw

2009-08-03T10:41:00.001-07:00

For Raiden's birthday, the Tegeders got him one of those scribble boards with the magnetic pen attached. He didn't really get it until recently (although he still loved to carry it around). Yesterday at church he was holding the pen the right way, and scribbling on the board! I am so excited that he is learning to do this (thanks Nancee!). One my of favorite things to do as a kid was color. I loved opening up a fresh box of crayons and finding a nice clean page to mark up. I know it's more of a "girly" thing, but I think it's good for all kids to have a nice balance! Sorry Ryan. I hope one day he will love to color and do projects with me. :)

Redford Reunion - Vegas

2009-08-02T07:46:00.000-07:00

Well, Ryan doesn't really have any pictures in his phone, so I decided to just go ahead and do a post sans photos. We left on Monday around 8:30 AM - it was kind of a late start, but we weren't in a hurry. My mom let us borrow her mini laptop, but we didn't have a cable to connect Ryan's Blackberry to the comp. (to get an internet connection for... The Wiggles!), so we stopped at Frys Electronics in Phx. That was a nice break for Raiden, and I picked up some fun reading material. My book of choice was The Eat-Clean Diet and Clean Eating Magazine, which I bought with my birthday money. :) I highly recommend both. I probably won't do as dramatic of an overhaul to my diet as the book suggests (it's pretty hardcore), but I have already instituted some of the changes and I'm quite proud of myself. I need little changes, or else I go crazy. Anyway....

Raiden was so so good the entire drive, and we did not get to LV until 4:30 due to all the stops. If he started to get a little cranky, we would just put his Elmo movie in and he was happy and laughing again. He was actually HAPPY in the car! We were so proud of him. However, if I have to watch Elmo's Potty Time one more time I think I might stab my eye out.

That evening, after checking into the Circus-Circus we ate at one of the all-you-can-eat buffets that Vegas is famous for. The line was pretty long and Raiden threw up all over my arm while in line. Because he refused solids during the car ride (teething I guess), all the liquid must have gotten to him. Oh, and toddler puke does not smell like sweet, clean baby spit-up. Just for the record. That night, it took about an hour before Raiden was not scared in his new crib. But the following nights he did much better.

The next day we headed to the Adventuredome with the fam. Since I couldn't really do any rides, I let Raiden play with the steering wheel on one of the arcade games most of the time. He was having a blast just spinning that wheel around- ah to be young again. Actually, when I took him off the wheel to go on the carousel, he cried and cried. He may have liked it if he wasn't thinking of the wheel. After nap time we walked around the Midway, which is a big area filled with ridiculously priced carnival games. We also watched one of those dancing/contortion/gymnastics shows (sorry I'm at a loss for a name). It was crazy how even the guy could twist himself up. And the lady was pretty strong too. It was cool to watch.

That night we checked out Caesar's Palace and ate at the Cheesecake Factory. FAO Schwartz was right there, and Raiden was in heaven with all the stuffed animals. He went up to this enormous one and snuggled saying, "teh tee," the whole time. Then he found Clifford the, "puh puh." He has always loved stuffed animals- too bad they were $100 for the med-large size. I think an enormous stuffed dog is on his Santa list this year!

The next day the guys took the kids to the Shark Exhibit while the girls went shopping. Fun! I even was able to find Ryan clothes he would like, and that is not an easy task. Apparently, the Shark thing was a blast for the little kids and Raiden loved it. I wish I could have been there. That night we went to a magic show, which was great for the kids but super cheesy for the adults. I liked it enough, though. Afterward we ate at Rainforest Cafe, which was fun because every so often the gorilla would move around and make noises. We also got to see the lions, which was so fun because one of them was actually awake and playing around with a trainer.

Thursday we took the dreaded drive home but, once again, Raiden was such an angel! We could not have asked for a better baby that trip. He was a trooper despite his lack of sleep and not being in his comfort zone. He loved being around his cousins and just being one of the gang.

It was great to see all the family together - no one was on a mission this time! And seeing how big all the kids have gotten I think made all of us feel old. It was good to get away from home for a bit, but we are glad to be back into our routine. I'm good on vacations for another year. Unless it's a baby-free trip. ;)

Vegas Vacation

2009-07-30T19:47:00.000-07:00

Well, it is good to be home. We had a lot of fun at the Redford Reunion. It was good to see the family and it is so crazy how big all the kids have gotten. And we got to meet one of our nieces for the first time- such a cutie! We are tired and I don't have any pictures yet, so I'll blog more about the trip later.

Making Beans & Doing Laundry

2009-07-24T08:15:00.000-07:00

Raiden likes to help me with the cooking. He cries if I don't let him help, so finally I put a "griddle" on the floor, gave him a bowl filled with dry beans, and a spoon. He cooked up some yummy beans. :) Luckily he never tried to put one in his mouth.

He also enjoys the laundry. I lay him in the basket and pull him around the house with a belt attached the the handle. He loves it.

Then he climbs in and out, dumping himself out each time.

I have a nice little helper on my hands.

I'm a Quarter

2009-07-24T07:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I turned 25. I feel so much older than that. Anyway, it was a fun day. Cherece offered to watch Raiden for a couple of hours as a birthday gift, and what a wonderful gift that was! I am still adjusting to Raiden not napping much in the morning anymore (what am I supposed to do with myself?!) so it was nice to feel like I had that back for a day.

The rest of the day I tried not to do very much, no matter how tempted I was. I didn't want to be too miserable by the time Ryan took me out that night.

Ryan came home that evening, and our friends watched Raiden while we went out for our date. He told me in the morning that we were going to Caruso's on 4th, and then was mysterious about what else we were doing. I got depressed and told him I really wanted to know what else we were going to do because I was worried that I wouldn't be able to make it through anything else. He finally texted me and said that he was planning on taking me on a horse & buggy down 4th Ave but, "fine, we don't have to do that." He pretended to be upset that the surprise was spoiled. Lucky for him, I am gullible and believed this silly story, and told him that we should do it.

Fast forward to when we left the house. If we were going to 4th ave, we should have taken the freeway. Ryan insisted that going through town was faster, and, "that's what google said." So I just let it go and off we went. I was still blissfully ignorant. He was taking such a weird route, and he made his way up to Broadway. I asked him if he was sure he wanted to take that road during rush hour. Then the Gaslight Theater came into view and, just as I was about to tell him that we haven't been there in a while and we should go again sometime, he pulled into the turning lane of the Theater! And THAT was when I figured out that we were going to Gaslight. I am SO. GULLIBLE. And, by the way, Ryan tells me these kinds of weirdo stories all the time. You would think I would have a handle on it by now.

But I was thrilled to be there. And I am glad he didn't tell me we were going, because I would have been worrying about us getting there too late. I think we cut it pretty close, too. We had just enough time to order dinner before the lights went out. It was perfect! Ryan was a little disappointed because he told them it was my bday (they read off bdays during a break) but they never called my name. But that's good because I did not need more ice cream. Ha! And it's kind of embarrassing.

Ok one more story: Before the show started, Ryan said that he wondered if he knows anyone in the show. But then the lights went out so we couldn't look at the list of characters. Then some guy came on stage and he said, "I know that guy!" It turns out Ryan went to high school with him- they were also in the same ward and were buddies, but hadn't seen each other in 10 years. So when the actors were greeting everyone after the show, Ryan went to say hi. Ryan had not even completely gotten through the doorway when the guy recognized him. I'm not kidding it took him a split second to know it was Ryan and then he was jumping up and down in shock. He was a little embarrassed, too, because for their after-show show he had to dress up like one of the Village People. He was also still kind of in character. Ha!

Overall it was a great day. I am so grateful to Ryan for taking me out on a date- it felt like us when we were first dating. That was the last time we had been to Gaslight. It was nice to be able to sit together without a baby needing attention all the time. Not that it isn't fun with Raiden, but we definitely needed time for us. It had been a while. And plus I love going there! The shows are always awesome, and the actors are great.

Opening Doors

2009-07-22T18:49:00.000-07:00

Raiden just learned how to open doors yesterday. My life has been full of tantrums ever since. When he can't open a door himself, he cries. If I tell him he can't open a door, he cries. He now wants to do EVERYTHING himself. If he can't do something (or if I don't let him), he has a meltdown.

He is currently downstairs with Ryan, shutting himself in the pantry over and over again. It's like when he first opened cabinets, and all he wanted to do was open and close them.

He looked like a newborn again... (boring mommy post)

2009-07-21T18:35:00.001-07:00

Raiden played at Mindi's this afternoon (thanks, Mindi!) and he had so much fun that he wore himself out. Normally, Ryan gives him a bath. But since he was busy with the court of honor tonight I took over bath time.

If you know Raiden, you know he's fidgety and FAST. So I do not let him sit up at bath time. That would equal bad news. Instead, I lay him down and put a tiny bit of water in the tub (he doesn't usually fight it). To make up for him being exposed to the cold air, I put warm water in his little pitcher and continue to pour it over his belly throughout the bath. He loves this. And tonight he just stared off, dazed and exhausted, as I did this. And since his hair was slicked back (I did his head too) it really brought out his facial expression. It was the same face he used to do when he was about to fall asleep as a tiny newborn. In fact, I have a picture of him when we were still in the hospital- he was wearing his hospital-issued beanie and had just finished eating. Milk was still on his chin and he was making that same face. Maybe that's why I remember.

Raiden is growing way too fast. I guess I miss those days! Waking up at night was lame, and being 40 pounds overweight was lame, but I love having a tiny baby. No, we are not preparing for another baby. My poor husband would have a disabled wife, a toddler, and a newborn. Nuh-uh!

"Stay"

2009-07-21T08:39:00.001-07:00

Whenever Rai plays with the puppies he does these funny motions. Like he's about to give them an air hug or something. And he babbles in these funny noises. But the other day I noticed him put his hand out, as if to say stop, and told our dogs, "stay!" I wasn't sure if I heard him correctly (and Ryan had just walked in the room) so I told him to say "stay" again, and he did. Hand motion and all! It was so cute because he kind of squatted his bum down as he said it. Ha. Of course he is just copying what I do all day every day with those bratty dogs. Maybe I shouldn't yell at them anymore. :)

One More...

2009-07-18T08:07:00.000-07:00

I had the shop vac out one day and the hose formed a loop on the floor. For some reason, sitting in that circle looked really fun to him so he would go over and sit in it for a minute or two, then go play, and repeat this pattern over and over. His face in this pic makes me lol. :)

Cell Phone Pics

2009-07-18T08:03:00.001-07:00

He likes to copy me...

and carry my bag the way I do.

Going for a ride in the basketmobile. He was lounging back enjoying the ride, until I stopped to take a pic.

On an important business call.

His first experience with drawing.

Lyrica

2009-07-14T19:00:00.000-07:00

It didn't work. I took it for a week. It made me feel intoxicated and tired for the first two days. Then it helped me sleep really well. I stopped taking it and now I can't sleep. I can't wait until this wears off. I have hardly slept in two days. The end.

"Teh-Tee"

2009-07-14T13:40:00.001-07:00

He has another new word! He says teddy. Except it comes out as "teh-tee." He loves his teddy bears. :)

"Duckie"

2009-07-13T08:05:00.000-07:00

I forgot to add that Raiden learned a new word on vacation! The wedding ceremony location had a a bridge with water underneath, and there were ducks swimming around. He got really excited when we pointed them out to him (and told him a million times that they were duckies) and, clear as day, he said, "duckie." Ryan has been showing him the duckies in the tub forever, trying to get him to say the word. But I don't think it clicked until he saw the real thing. How cute!

San Diego 2009 a.k.a. Tina's Wedding

2009-07-12T18:00:00.001-07:00

Well, our San Diego trip came and went. It was OK. We had plenty of mishaps along the way. Raiden did OK on his first long car ride UP to San Diego. The way back was not fun at all. But up until our drive home, he was such a trooper.

We arrived on Wednesday and went right to the Seaport Village/Downtown area. We walked along the boardwalk and decided to take a ferry across to Coronado Island, where we ate dinner. Then we went to a small grassy area near the restaurant. My back had been really bad the whole day (I think I overdid it with packing) so I popped an extra pill, lifted the tray of Raiden's stroller and had a seat. I fit, but I was worried it was going to break. I'll have post a picture of that- it was in Ryan's phone. :)

Below is him faking a smile for us at the end of the first day. He passed out shortly after that.

Thursday we spent the afternoon at the beach, after Raiden got in a nice, long nap. He LOVED it! He had his bucket and drank sand out of it, the way he drinks water from his bath cup. It did not phase him at all. We thought he would hate it and stop, but he poured sand into his mouth two more times. It was hilarious.

Friday morning we called a local ward because we wanted to attend the temple but couldn't find a sitter. The really sweet relief society president from the ward offered to watch Raiden while we went. I felt bad leaving him with someone we didn't know (not just for him, but I felt bad for the lady!) but I am glad we went. The San Diego temple is just beautiful, and Raiden was perfectly happy- as he usually is when mom and dad aren't around! ;)

Friday afternoon, we met up with a friend that I met online while we were both on bed rest during pregnancy. We have been keeping in contact, and she has an adorable little girl a month younger than Raiden. She lives in SD, so we met for a late lunch and watched the babies interact. It was so cute, and it was fun to finally meet them! I don't have a photo in my camera, but I think Ryan took a few in his phone that I can post later.

Then Friday evening was the rehearsal and dinner for my aunt's wedding- I was the matron of honor.

Saturday was my aunt's big day- and it was also the ANT'S big day. We woke up to our hotel room infested with ants. They were even in the beds. We are still trying to get the hotel to refund us for the last night. Luckily, a new hotel let us check in early but it put me behind (I had to rush to shower and get to the wedding location) and it was huge inconvenience to us. Then, as luck would have it, our new hotel was a high-rise with only ONE working elevator. And late last night we discovered that the shower only put out a steaming hot trickle of water. But I digress...

Tina's wedding was amazing! Of course she looked beautiful and so did everything else. The ceremony and reception were at the Paradise Point on Mission Bay. Their ceremony overlooked the water, and the weather was perfect. All of us in the bridal party were spoiled and got our hair and makeup professionally done. It was fun. The hardest part for me was standing most of the day. I had to take 4 pain pills before I finally started to feel better. Lame. But they kicked in just in time for me to dance a little with Ryan.

Also, there was another wedding that took place on another part of the resort, and it was funny because their colors were the same as the wedding I was in. The bridesmaids wore almost identical colors. Funny. Anyway, we are back now and exhausted. Raiden is being a stinker and we are about to put him down. But it's understandable- he's way off schedule. Poor thing.

Tina with her parents (my grandparents)

Raiden the ring bearer. I had to help him walk down, but it was cute anyway.

Our little family- angry baby and all.

Ebay Store

2009-07-07T10:59:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally put all of my ebay merchandise into an actual store. It's called Turquoise Traditions. Check it out:

http://stores.shop.ebay.com/Turquoise-Traditions__W0QQ_armrsZ1

I will be adding more items when I return from San Diego.

"There is nothing more we can do for you."

2009-07-06T07:50:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to get an epidural on Friday. It was going to be only the second time that I would see the actual Pain Management Specialist- before last time it was his asst. Anyway, this means he didn't really know my situation personally aside from my chart. So he didn't realize my last two epi's didn't work. When he asked me on Friday how they helped, I said:

They did not help at all.

Not even for a day or two?

No.

Ok, and the trigger points did nothing either.

Nope.

Well, even if we put the epi in the "wrong" spot, the medicine still would have traveled to the right spot, since we put so much (3 ccs) in. So you still would have had at least some relief.

Ok.

So as much as I like sticking people with needles, because that's what I do, I don't think it's going to help you. There really is nothing more we can do for you here.

Then he gave me a sample of Lyrica. The nurse explained that I would feel groggy, lethargic and hung-over from the pill. I didn't believe her. Then I took it and woke up the next morning feeling exactly that. Normally I naturally wake up around 6:30. On Saturday it was 7:30 before I woke from a deep sleep. Still feeling tired and stumbling around like a drunken idiot. It isn't so bad today, but I still feel like I can't focus. Eventually these effects will wear off.

So I was not treated at all. But I still had to pay the ONE HUNDRED DOLLAR CO-PAY just to see the man. I was sick. Ryan was sick. There went part of our vacation money. I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE CANCELLED THAT APPOINTMENT. I should have followed my instincts.

Etsy Shop Review: RHBDesigns

2009-07-04T12:00:00.000-07:00

For Ryan's mom's birthday, I decided to get her a necklace that has the names of all of her grandchildren stamped on it. I found the shop RHBDesigns on etsy and got to work convo-ing her about a custom order.

It was REALLY hard to find a necklace that would fit all of the names, and then decide how I wanted it to look. I think the listing with the most amount of characters available was about 53 characters (including spaces). That would have fit half the names. So I decided to go with a layered look and do two discs, and then have a temple charm in front. She then domed the copper discs so the temple wouldn't stick out too much. I had her put the names in birth order, with the final name on the back being the youngest grandbaby. So later I can have another larger disc made for the back, with the rest of her future grandbaby names.

That last paragraph makes it seem like I had it all figured out from the get-go, but I didn't. I had to convo with the shop owner for a long time before coming to a final decision. And the whole way it was a pleasant experience. And I am so excited with how it turned out. It is EXACTLY how I pictured it would look.

P.S. There are tons of shops on etsy that do these same kinds of stamped necklaces, but I didn't find another shop that had this kind of quality and low price. The cost for this necklace was really reasonable- especially for the work involved. So, here's the final product:

Sick Baby - Again

2009-07-02T18:56:00.000-07:00

Apparently Raiden has caught a virus. It's crazy because he didn't really get sick his first year, and then as soon as he hit 12 months he's been sick all the time. I took him in to the doc because he's been yanking at his ears, and he threw up as I pulled into the parking lot. Then I learned he had a fever- I thought he was warm because his room was hot during his nap. So that's why he's been taking long naps the past couple of days. Poor thing. He was so exhausted when we finally came home. Then he had the mother of all explosions. It was a long day.

Top 8

2009-07-02T07:48:00.001-07:00

From Brooke. Thought this would be fun.

My 8 Favorite TV Shows (in no particular order)

1- The Office
2- Good Eats
3- Design on a Dime
4- Unwrapped
5- Seinfeld
6- How It's Made
7- Mystery Diagnosis - the dramatic aspects of it are cheesy, but I like the medical aspect
8- Ace of Cakes

8 Things I did Yesterday

1- Ran errands- Bank, Target, Gas
2- laid down
3- ate
4- went to SILs soccer game
5- wrestled with Raiden
6- told Raiden"No"
7- watched Raiden cry for 10 minutes at Target because he smashed his finger in the shopping cart wheel, and then I watched him stop crying and do it again.
8- cleaned my blinds

8 Favorite Restaurants

1- Sullivan's
2- Sweet Tomatoes
3- Zivaz
4- Macaroni Grill (only b/c that's where Ryan asked me to be his girlfriend- and cuz you can color)
5- Pizza Hut of the fast food variety. New York for good Pizza.
6- Molinito's on Ina (for the salsa)
7- Cheesecake Factory (I guess, I'm grasping at straws here)
8- This little Italian restaurant by my grandparent's old house on the top of Swan

8 Things I'm Looking Forward to

1- Monsoon season
2- San Diego
3- Ryan's mom seeing her bday gift
4- Lans (BIL) coming home from his mission on the 4th
5- Vegas
6- finishing this diet. I've never put myself on an actual diet because I'm anti-diet. But something had to be done.
7- Ryan finally getting a day off tomorrow!
8- MY BACK BEING HEALED SO I CAN DO THINGS LIKE TAKE RAIDEN PLACES, PLAY SPORTS AGAIN, AND JUST BE A NORMAL PERSON

8 Things on my Wish List

1- Have another baby someday
2- Paint our house
3- To make a decent amount of money with my little jewelry business so it isn't just a time waster. Just a nice supplement.
4- More time with Ryan
5- For Ryan to be able have more time to do the fun things he wants to do
6- A baby who doesn't explode food everywhere every time he eats
7- A baby who will play by himself UPstairs so he doesn't destroy my house DOWNstairs
8- To be healed so I can be more active

Tag 8 people

1- I just tag all of my blog buddies who haven't done this.

Trouble and Tantrums

2009-07-01T08:20:00.000-07:00

Haha!

New Doctor, New Hope

2009-06-30T18:49:00.000-07:00

I met with my new primary care doctor today. I felt like I hit a brick wall with my other PCP. My NP, who I loved, had a baby in March and her plan was to come back to work after a short mat. leave. But after her sweet little boy was born I think she just felt terrible leaving him because they said she wasn't coming back. Anyway, after she left I decided to leave the practice.

So I met with my new doctor today, who was highly recommended. And he really does get down to business. He was pretty friendly, and most importantly he actually looked at my charts. He went through all my past MRI and xray reports with me and came up with a plan. Yes, a PLAN! And he wants me to FOLLOW-UP with him in a month (regardless of when my other appts are)! Those are words I've never heard any of my other PCPs utter.

Years ago, when my neck pain developed after my accident, one of my doctors told me to try these sample pills (Lyrica) and see how they worked. And come back if they don't work. Another doctor spent THREE minutes with me. You know, cuz I was just their run-of-the-mill 20-something with severe back pain.

Anyway, part of the Plan involves some sort of nerve test- I think in my shoulder area (b/c of my numb arm pain) and my spine? But I really don't know for sure where they have to poke the needles. All I know is that needles are involved, and that it is supposed to be the most uncomfortable test I've had yet. But at least they are testing for something! He also wants me to continue with my second epidural (Friday) as planned. He also is going to talk to the radiologist, who has read all of my MRI scans over the years, because all of the scan reports produce different findings. So my Dr. is going to have him pull ALL of them and compare them and come to ONE conclusion. If a verdict still isn't reached after all of this, he may be sending me to Phoenix. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you go about solving a problem.

Raiden's Car

2009-06-28T13:46:00.001-07:00

Raiden has learned how to scoot around with his little car, but he can only go backwards. Much like when babies first learn to crawl. Funny.

He also likes to be silly with his blankets. Yesterday he found one in the laundry, put it on the floor, and then snuggled his face in it. Then he giggled, picked it up and threw it over his face. He also likes to walk around holding it over his shoulder, as if he's carrying a bag.

Etsy Shop Review: asimpleimpression

2009-06-26T08:46:00.000-07:00

I haven't done any reviews of etsy shops, but I decided to do a few because I have purchased quite a few gifts lately and am just thrilled with how my items turned out. My first review is of A Simple Impression. They sell vinyl lettering and custom signs. There are tons of shops like this on etsy, but I have only purchased from her so I can't say if the others are good. She has really good prices, though. And one reason why I like shopping on etsy is that I can pay with my paypal balance from my ebay sales.

Anyway, I bought three signs through her. Two gifts and one for myself. She worked with me back and forth, taking my custom order and making sure we got the colors right. It was very pleasant to work with her. Both of my gift recipients loved their signs, and I was excited to get them something unique for their bridal showers. Here's how my sign turned out:

I had it done in our wedding colors, which was neat b/c it combined the theme of our wedding with the spirit of our sealing a year later. The turquoise lettering says "sealed for time and all eternity" and then it has our sealing date on the bottom.

I guess that's it. She shipped quickly for having to make the items upon purchase, and made sure they came in plenty of time for my events. Anyway, I know how important word of mouth is for businesses so I want to plug as many as I can. Next I'll probably review my MILs bday gift, but I haven't given it to her yet so I don't want to post pics.

A Post About Raiden - Warning: Boring

2009-06-26T08:10:00.000-07:00

Raiden has really been changing lately, and I wanted to remember a few of the funny quirks about his personality at this time, before they change again.

First, he is the happiest baby in the world........ and the most angry baby in the world. When he's happy, which is the majority of most days, he is REALLY happy. Like everything makes him giggle, and he appreciates the small things in life. I know all babies do this, but it so fun to see it first hand.

But when he's mad, you better watch out. He will yell and scream and not give in. Recently we went to Lake Roosevelt, and cried/yelled almost the whole way home. I feel bad for my sister and brother-in-law who had to listen to it! I think another babies' cries are worse than the cries of your own baby.

When I let him play with my cell phone recently, he discovered that he could open it and there was a whole NEW set of keys for him play with. He lit up as if a treasure chest of gold was reflecting off his face.

He loves music. I know he likes a band on the radio when he gets really quiet in the car. He isn't into watching shows, but I discovered that he likes musical videos. But it has to be all music, not just part music part talking (we need to work on patience). The Wiggles is a big one, but I'll play snippets of other shows that have songs, too. And thank goodness for the technology that allows us to play our netflix instant shows on our TV (through our xbox). It is saving us a lot of time and money.

He also loves the piano.

Raiden loves all the women in his life, especially my mom. He races to her when she's around, and lets her hold him forever. He will sit on her lap in complete silence and not move an inch. It is hilarious because he is normally extremely fidgety.

Yesterday he played with a friend's dog, and every time it barked at him he burst into giggles. He loves dogs, and isn't afraid of them at all. This could be a bad thing.

Kisses. Sometimes when he's upset and crying, he will reach for me to pick him up- then, with tears in his eyes and drool/boogars all over his face, he will open his mouth and lean in to kiss me. And he's so sad when he does it. It's sooo cute. He also plays a kiss game with me. He'll lean in really fast for a kiss (mouth open and tongue out), then turn away really fast and giggle. Repeat many times.

When he's playing and I'm just laying watching him, he will periodically come to me and bury his face in me and hug me, then go back to playing.

He is amazed by wheels and anything he can open and shut. He is always trying to get his hands on my exercise equipment, so I put a baby gate at the entrance of our exercise room. Well, he figured out how to move it so I gave in and watched him closely as he played. He was thrilled to figure out the pedals on the exercise bike, and he even was able to move spinning part of the elliptical. He squealed as he ran back and forth, playing with both.

He recently discovered how to put things inside of other things. I just found his bottle in the dryer. And his little cell phone in with the pots and pans. I also found some other toy stashed in our toaster oven in the cabinet. Ha! I am in trouble if he hides something important!

When he doesn't want you messing with him or kissing him or touching a certain part of his body, he will push you away with the back of his hand as if he's swatting at a fly. He knows what he likes and doesn't like, and he doesn't put up with things that annoy him.

Whenever I go to open the front door, he screams and says, "da da!" because he thinks Ryan is coming home.

He calls most other women "mama" - not just me.

When I tell him "no" he waves his arm (as if waving me off) and yells, "ma ma mamama," with an angry face.

He copies me. I guess when I pick up my purse I put it back over my shoulder and my elbow sticks out in front of me. So he likes to pick things up and carry them like that. He will walk around the house for an hour, carring his cell phone over his shoulder as if it's a bag. He will also drag my bag around like this, even though it's as big as him.

He's proud of himself when he lifts things that he thinks are big and heavy. Like an empty storage container.

He is a little snuggle bug. But only when he wants to be. You can't force it.

He LOVES other people. He loves everyone. He will let new people hold him, and give them big hugs. And when he remembers you he loves you even more.

If he doesn't have his bottle immediately upon waking, Ryan and I will pay. He is hysterical if, heaven forbid, we change his diaper first without giving his his bottle at the same time.

This one's in honor of Michael Jackson. Yesterday I was watching Fox coverage, and they played one of his slow songs (You Are Not Alone?) and Raiden stopped playing, sat on the floor, and watched quietly. Then he got up and went back to playing. RIP MJ!

Cutest Thing Ever

2009-06-24T14:44:00.000-07:00

I went to check on Raiden, and this is what I found:

Jewelry

2009-06-22T17:21:00.001-07:00

Just listed tons of new stuff on ebay. It's linked up in my sidebar if you want to check it out. Gonna go lay down now.

Father

2009-06-21T18:24:00.001-07:00

I just want to say happy father's day to my awesome husband. Not only does he put up with me and my pain and all of my neediness, but he still finds the energy to be an amazing dad. No matter how tired he is, he always is excited to play with Raiden. He is much more fun than I am, that's for sure! And Raiden loves his da-da. Whenever we go to open the front door, he always says "da-da" because he thinks Ryan is coming home. It's really cute.

The Wiggles

2009-06-19T15:32:00.000-07:00

Raiden isn't big into any kind of TV. Even though he loves Spongebob, he will only watch one or two minutes of it. However, we recently discovered The Wiggles. We have Netflix, so we added "You Make Me Feel Like Dancing" to our instant queue and played it through our xbox on the big TV. Well, let's just say that I have met my new best friend. Raiden is so engrossed in that video that whenever it's on he stares open-mouthed and motionless, and doesn't even blink! He will watch almost the entire thing before getting fed up (I sit him in his bouncer to watch it). This is wonderful, because I can take a shower without worrying about him. Or I can lay down next to him on the couch. Or eat. The possibilities are endless.

I am going to have to find more of their videos, though, because I am starting to get the songs stuck in my head. A small price to pay.

In this video he's watching the Fairy Dance. Haha. Sorry, Ryan. Anyway he was hardly distracted by my camera. I don't think the sound works.

It's....

2009-06-16T09:36:00.000-07:00

Croup. Which is a viral infection. Last night was scary. The ears are a bacterial infection (most likely, as most are). I haven't had a chance to pick up the meds yet.

2009-06-15T18:09:00.000-07:00

Raiden likes boxes!!

Back from the Doctor

2009-06-15T17:44:00.000-07:00

The Dr. found redness and fluid in both of his ears. She said it doesn't look like a full-blown infection yet. This could mean that he's recovering from one or one is starting up. He did wake up a few times at night last week.... But who knows. She said if he is cranky tonight to start the antibiotics. But he's already cranky from being sick. What would you do??

About the cough- it wasn't too bad when we were there. She said his chest sounds fine and that it's probably a cold. But it's been much worse since we've been home. I feel so bad for him. He's just been whimpering most of the day as he plays with his toys. It's so sad!

Sick Baby

2009-06-15T08:18:00.000-07:00

My poor baby is sick again. He started to have symptoms right before church yesterday. This time he has a bad cough and noisy breathing. He has a fever on and off, and is drooling a ton. Poor thing. It doesn't really sound like croup, but I am no expert. I'm going to take him in just to be on the safe side. Wish me luck.

Taking Fewer Pictures

2009-06-14T18:50:00.000-07:00

Ever since Raiden turned 1, I have taken very few pictures of him. I guess I'm taking more videos now. Was anyone else like this?

My Little Walker

2009-06-09T15:21:00.000-07:00

My baby is growing up. Today we got him his first "real" walking shoes. They are so adorable on him, and when he wakes up I will take pics of him wearing them. But for now, here's my baby's first shoes (Buster Brown sandals on left, Nikes on right):

And here's a video of him walking and visiting the pups at the window. He walks with his arms in the air as if someone is holding them. Funny baby. :)

Fondant Cake Pics

2009-06-09T15:17:00.000-07:00

Saturday was my aunt's bridal shower. I didn't take pictures, but I did get pictures of the cake before I brought it up to Phx. I purchased the fondant this time, but it still took me all day to make the cakes. It was fun, though, and I hope to take a class so I can make it easier on myself next time I decide to do one. Here's one of them (the color in the top photo is more accurate):

A Post About ETSY

2009-06-09T08:31:00.000-07:00

I just have to say that I love shopping for gifts on etsy.com. I discovered it not too long ago and opened up my own shop in April. But I must admit that I spend much more in etsy shops than I sell in my own. Ebay is better for me in sales. But there are so many personalized gifts on there that I feel are much more meaningful than the typical gift. I have purchased Mother's Day, Father's Day, and bridal shower gifts there. And if you find the right shop, the prices are great! If anyone is interested I can do another post on my favorite shops. But if you browse yourself you will find it easy to find items. Especially if you have something specific in mind. If you're looking for something LDS, just search LDS or LDS temple and you'll find a lot of cute stuff. Especially for babies.

2009-06-07T09:39:00.000-07:00